Page 167 of Pucking Them
I never thought that I would find this.
It is everything.
“NASA has this incredible Hubble telescope.” The words spill out of me. Since college, I haven’t had anyone to share them with. Even in college, nobody wanted to talk about the subject outside lectures. Eden would let me talkathim, but he called me a geek. Robyn accepts this part of me. “It’s named after Edwin Hubble. He was this amazing bloke, who not only established that there were other galaxies outside the Milky Way, but also that the universe was expanding. Can you imagine being someone who achieved something like that? One of the legends, you know?”
Robyn smiles, while we dance. “Who?”
“Meg Urry,” I rattle off, happily. “Annie Jump Cannon and Frank Drake. They’re bloody brilliant. Cecilia Payne-Gaposchkin discovered stars were composed of hydrogen and helium. They’re all inspirations to me.”
“You’re glowing.” Robyn’s gaze is gentle. “You do know that you inspire people too?”
I shake my head. “It’s not the same thing.”
“If you win the Stanley Cup, then you’ll have made history. You’ve already made history for the Bay Rebels.”
“It’s only sport.”
Robyn stops dancing, and I stumble. “Who said that to you, huh?”
I flush, looking away.
Robyn reaches up to cup my cheek. “Whoever it wasfuck them. Do you think that D’Angelo isn’t an inspiration to people? Didn’t he inspire you when you watched him back in college? How much happiness did he bring you?”
Shocked, I stare at her. “I had posters of him on my wall. I followed every one of his games. I hoped that one day I could play as well as him. He’s a legend. But I’m not?—”
“Also, do you have to discover…I don’t know…a new star, a black hole, or fucking relativity to be worth something? Yourtwin won’t be written into the history books, but that doesn’t mean any of us love him any less, right?”
I become ashen. “I didn’t mean…”
Maybe I did.
What if I have made my brother feel like that? As if he needs to shine as brightly as my stars — or study them — to be worth something?
I rub my neck, needing to explain.
To me, Eden is worth twice what I am.
A thousand times.
Robyn is watching me intently in the moonlit room.
The quiet starlight is allowing me to be more vulnerable than normal, as well as the feel of her kisses on my neck like I am already wearing her phantom collar.
“My twin has never felt seen, I know that,” I admit. “Except, Dee doesn’t understand that I never have either.”
Robyn instantly reaches up, resting her hand lightly on my neck. Her fingers caress over my pulse points.
I draw in a sharp breath.
She asks the question without needing to say a word at the same time as she holds me secure in her touch.
She sees me.
“I’m not as smart as Dee is,” I explain. “My teachers made sure I knew that and felt it in my fucking bones. He’s into books and shit. Yet once I reached college, I found my own niche. Discovering that I understood science and astrophysics was like that story you tell little kids,The Ugly Duckling.I was rejected and shamed for not fitting in, but all along, I was a swan and not a duck. Now, I could finally fly.”
Robyn tightens her hold on my neck, just enough for me to feel the pressure.
My cock twitches.
