Page 16 of Twisted Devotion
My grandma took care of me, and the least I can do now is return the favor. She’s well into her seventies now and her house is becoming too much to manage on her own, so I moved in with her, and honestly, it’s been great to be back.
Did I think about Audrey and Boden when I said yes to this whole situation?
Of course.
But they still have no clue that I was the Dominatrix that they spent that evening with back at Sin’s. And I’m going to keep itthat way. No one in this small-ass town knows I used to be a sex worker. Some days it seems progressive, but then I’ll overhear a conversation in a patients room or people out in public, and I tamp down any hopes I had of ever talking about that time of my life.
A part of my life I truly wasn’t ready to let go of yet.
I’m in my patient’s room trying to waste time so I don’t have to speak to Audrey, but I know it’s a pointless effort. I just keep telling myself that she doesn’t know, but all I can see is her on her knees, sitting on Boden’s face, eating my cunt, and falling apart for me.
I don’t get attached.
I won’t get attached.
I can’t get attached.
But Audrey and Boden are the closest I’ve ever come to feeling that way.
It scared me so badly that I completely stopped taking married couples because I thought my feelings were stemming from them being married. Maybe I had that married-person kink—like the more off limits, the more I wanted them. And they sure as hell are off limits…
But it wasn’t.
No one else has made me feel the way they did that night, and I have been chasing that high for the past two years. So much so that I started taking on as many births as I could to distract myself, plus Sin’s whenever I had an ounce of free time. I almost set myself up for early burnout in the career I fought so hard to get. I ended up completing my required births faster than anyone else in the midwifery masters program ever has before.
Once I got my license I calmed down a little after that, but my grandma couldn’t have called at a better time.
Before the start of my patient’s next contraction, I tell her, “You’re doing great. Hit your call button and tell your nurse if you need anything. I’ll be around whenever you need me.”
I quietly shut the door behind me, and when I look up, Audrey is standing face-to-face with me.
I jump, placing my hand over my heart. “Audrey, you just scared the shit out of me!”
She wraps me up in a hug again, and I immediately tense. Not that I don’t want to be wrapped in this woman’s arms, but if we’re going to keep this professional, she can’t keep doing this. My body is feeling things that it shouldn’t be, and I need distance between us again.
She whispers, “I am so proud of you.”
Goddamn it, she’s going to make me cry.
Again, she grabs me by the shoulders, holding me out, inspecting me. “A CNM in four years?!”
“You know, I graduated from high school with almost a bachelor’s… That shit was boring.”
Tears well in her eyes before she pulls me back in for another squeeze.
The mommy issues are crawling to the surface quicker than I can stomp them back into the dirt. So I wrap my arms around her, too. But I tell myself it’s only as friends.
As my best friend’s mom.
She’s my mom’s age—there’s nothing between us. It was one night, and she still has no clue it was me, and it’s going to stay that way.
Maybe we can just be friends instead, and everything will be just fine.
“Dani still doesn’t even know what she wants to do in school.”
And there’s the ice water pouring over me, immediately pulling me from any unruly thoughts.
I give her a tight smile.
