Page 16 of Radiant Exception
Jordan was excellent under pressure and rarely showed weakness, which is why her physically appearing stressed felt out of character. Still, I wasn’t ready to broach the subject. If she wanted to discuss it, I’d wait for her to come to me…for now.
I made a note to have another discussion with Natalie about boundaries, after she’d thrown the exception party I had expressly forbidden her from organizing. I wasn’t going to chastise her in front of the crew, and I’d survived relatively unscathed, but she’d gone against my orders, and while it was something small now, these things could snowball, so I had to nip it in the bud early, even if the offense was something more innocuous.
I knew I’d have to talk to her soon, as I’d dread the meeting until it happened. Natalie was sweet and soft, and of course she was trying her best, but I also knew she’d cry at the thought of having disappointed me, and nothing was worse than making Natalie cry. But I had to communicate with her, even if that meant her emotions would get the best of her.
Then there was her shadow, Rion. How had I not known about his little brewery operation on board. Worse than that—how had Ethan known about it and not immediately told me? Anything pressurized on the ship was a huge risk. Rion knew better than that.
Perhaps Ethan had told him it wouldn’t be an issue. He had a way of influencing people to do what he wanted, and Rion, always looking to be accepted, was easy prey for Ethan’s charms.
Ethan had been more distant as of late…or maybe I was the one who had been more distant, lost in lines of code, looking for trails and clues that might not exist, thinking that I could take down the Phoenix on my own, like an amateur.
And then there was Cassidy.
I’d seen the way he’d looked at Lark the moment we’d entered the mess hall together. His eyes hadn’t left her the entire time, and I’d seen them on the security cameras multiple times since then, forging a connection that shouldn’t exist if she was indeed taken. If it didn’t stop, I’d be forced to talk to Lark about it, and talking to her was the last thing I wanted to do.
Surely she could sense the way he looked at her; the small touches I’d seen them exchange were inappropriate, at best. I’d told her to stand down on the investigation, but if I found out that her getting close to him was some sort of ploy to learn more about the crew or the communication systems that Cassidy managed, nothing would save her from my wrath.
“What do you think of Lark?” I shattered the silence of the bridge.
Jordan’s gaze snapped to mine, seemingly surprised by the inquiry. I watched her throat bob as she swallowed nervously.
“I’ve barely talked to her; I’m sure I couldn’t say,” she replied, ever the diplomat.
I leaned back in my chair, my eyes on the horizon, dark, cold space, with pinpricks of starlight dotting the landscape. “Humor me,” I pressed.
It was just the two of us on the bridge, like most days. She knew she could speak freely.
“For someone who was granted an exception, you don’t seem to know your wife very well, or want to be around her very often,” Jordan observed. “I’ve never seen you show interest in any woman, or man, or anyone else. And I can’t quite figure out what it was about her that made you decide to turn your world upside down in an instant.”
I huffed. Of course she’d turn this around on me.
And for a brief moment, I considered telling her everything and compromising the entirety of our mission and the work I’d put in over the last year to ferret out the mole on my ship.
Jordan and I spent the most time together, and I felt, of everyone on the ship, that I knew her best. The idea of her being involved felt impossible, but the truth was, no matter how much I felt I knew my crew, any one of them could be responsible for what my ship had become. It would be foolish of me to rule any of them out, no matter how much I wanted to.
So instead, I took the coward’s way out. “Even I am not immune to loneliness. Years in space have worn me down.” I gave a beleaguered sigh, rubbing my hand over my chin, annoyed at the permanent stubble that refused to abate, no matter how closely I shaved.
“When did you even meet her?” Jordan asked. It was rare that she showed such curiosity; usually her mask of indifference was a permanent feature.
“Training. Last year.” I kept it short, using the story Lark had provided.
Jordan huffed. “I suppose you seemed a little different after you got back.”
Fuck, she was perceptive. That distance, however, was due to the fact that I had become a side show at the training program. I was treated like some kind of celebrity by the instructors and attendees alike, always watched, constantly being approached for photos and autographs.
I was exhausted and frankly horrified by the entire ordeal, thus my frosty attitude upon my return.
“I can’t believe you spent a year in a long-distance relationship and I didn’t know about it.” Jordan’s expression was contemplative, if not a bit somber. As far as I could remember, she usually preferred women, so I figured maybe she was upset she hadn’t figured me out, thinking she knew me better…and truthfully, she did.
“I was embarrassed.” I hated how easily the lies came. “It started as something very casual and just…” I ran my hand through my hair in both frustration and dismay. “...snowballed.”
“Are you actually happy she’s here? Because I’ve never met someone with an exception that was less enthusiastic about it than you.” She raised an eyebrow in challenge.
“Things in person are very different than through a screen.” Another truth wrapped in deception.
She nodded in agreement. “Well, Natalie loves her, so I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
“Reese loves everyone,” I grumbled.
