Page 54 of Radiant Exception
“Thank you.” I reached out, squeezing his forearm. “I’ll find a way to repay you.”
“It was nice to see you again, Lark.” He flashed a charming smile. “I can’t convince you to stay for dinner?”
“Got a schedule to keep,” I told him, already turning back to the crowd to make my way toward his ship.
He was right that it wasn’t as far as I feared. But just when I’d gotten visual confirmation of the ship a few slips away from my position, I felt the warmth of a body at my back.
Before I could turn to see who was invading my space, I felt a sharp prick on my neck. Within seconds, my muscles began to go slack, and then everything went black.
I’d been so close to giving in to Lark.
Truth be told, I hadn’t needed to notify her in person that we were preparing to dock. I wanted to see her. I needed to make sure she was okay.
But then I heard them talking.
I witnessed what they’d done.
And then I saw red.
I knew I should have stayed and at least heard her out, but I was gutted. And it went so much deeper than that. The last time I’d felt that kind of betrayal was when I’d received the order to leave the civilians and evacuate Enceladus.
I’d refused the order. My unit had supported my position. And we’d saved those innocent lives, but at the cost of my team. It wasn’t that the two events compared in scope, but I’d felt the same pain lancing through my heart when I heard Cassidy proposition Lark, and witnessed them kissing.
I knew she wasn’t ready for more than a fling, but I didn’t think she’d be unfaithful. And now I knew why she hadn’t been able to commit, because she was torn between the two of us.
The panic attack came on almost immediately upon making it to the bridge. I sucked in deep, strangled breaths, trying to overcome the false smell of smoke and terrified cries of my comrades. I couldn’t let this win. I had a job to do.
Jordan looked back at me, her brow knit in concern as I waved her off. But being the amazing first officer she was, she took the lead on the docking procedure without asking permission, while I stood by and tried not to suffocate.
The second the ship was cleared, I booked it out into the port as fast as I could. The crowd wasn’t much better than my own mind turning on me, but I just needed distance from Lark and Cassidy.
Navigating the bustling marketplace was exactly the distraction I needed. I grabbed a real coffee, some calming tea that I’d run out of and forgotten to replenish before leaving Phobos for the run, and a hot and fresh pastry, which was always such a luxury compared to the processed food generator output.
Although my panic attack had abated, my chest still felt hollow with grief, my heart aching for Lark and the loss of what could have been between us. There was nothing I could do to make the numbness subside, except to ride it out, and hope that it took weeks, rather than months or years.
It baffled me that in such a short time, this woman had affected me so greatly. But Lark had wormed her way into my heart, only to break it. I’d let my guard down around her, and it had been nice to work with someone who wanted to know me on a deeper level.
I’dknown there was something between her and Cassidy. The way his hungry gaze followed her was easy to see, but I’d trusted her when she’d said there was nothing between them.
Idly, I wondered if my suspicions of him being the mole in the crew were simply because subconsciously I knew we were in competition for her affections and it had been jealousy that had made me look his way.
I didn’t even hear what she’d said when she followed me into the hallway. My hearing was always the first to go when I was having a panic attack. I tried to ignore the part of me that wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt—the part that wondered if I was missing something, or if there was more to the story than it initially appeared.
But I had heard them talking before. Cassidy’s intentions had been quite clear, and she’d only shoved him away when she saw me standing in the doorway. Occam’s razor suggested that the simplest explanation was usually the most likely to be correct, so there was no point in pretending like there was a chance she still wanted me and that the whole thing had been a misunderstanding.
There was no misunderstanding that kiss.
I needed to cut my losses before things got worse.
But the day wasn’t over, and the universe appeared to be completely against me…
I snuck back onto theRadiant, wanting another few moments to myself before the questions and pitying looks eventually came.
I slumped into the captain’s chair on the bridge, pulling up the camera feeds to watch Jordan and Ethan overseeing the last of the payload drop and refueling. It appeared as though they were wrapping things up, so it would only be a matter of time before I lost my solitude.
I didn’t know if I’d be able to stand being stuck on the ship with the pair of them for another two months, but there was nothing I could do. We were on track with the schedule, but only by a hair. Any delays, regardless of how minor, could throw us off track.
Which meant I needed a full crew, including an engineer and communications officer, so I’d have to suck it up. At the very least, there were extra bunks on board, as the ship was equipped to accommodate more personnel, and if needed, I was sure that Jordan would agree to switch shifts back to her original schedule so I could avoid Lark as much as possible.
