Page 76 of Breakaway
Avi's eyes haven't left Wes. They follow us in. Ash heading toward the kitchen. Avi behind me to the living room. Ash comes back and sits in the chair next to Avi. I sit on the couch. Wes follows me and sits close enough that his knee touches mine.
"So why did you bring me soup?"
Avi and Ash exchange a look. Then Avi speaks. "I suspect we're here for the same reason Mercer is."
"We're worried about you, Luca. You haven't been yourself since the all-star break. Maybe before that."
Wes's words next are not what I expect.
"Luca, I think we're all worried about you. And Ash is right. You aren't yourself, and it definitely started before the break. Before we went to Aruba."
I glare at him. We went to Aruba. We. Out loud. In front of Avi and Ash.
"Luca." His hand is on my thigh. "I am here with you, in your apartment, when my team is on the road tonight. I walked out ona game to be here." He turns to them. "I don't think there's any question about what our relationship is at this point. Though I'd ask you not to say anything to anyone."
"So no one knows about your relationship." Ash. Not asking.
"No. We kept this quiet on the team for two years. We didn't know how the organization and the locker room would handle it."
"And then Luca got traded," Avi says.
"And then Luca got traded."
The sentence lands twice. The same words from two different men who have never been in a room together before tonight.
"Luca." Ash leans forward. He opens his mouth and then closes it and tries again. "Look. You haven't been okay. And I don't think it's just a rough stretch."
"You missed a practice last week," Avi says. "You don't miss practice."
"It was fucking optional." I look away from all of them. Out the window. The skyline going dark. My skin is itching. They are all older than me. They are all sitting in my apartment and my apartment is a mess and the dishes are in the sink and I am not living up to what I should be doing.
"Hey, Luca. Look at me." Wes waits until I do. "You love getting on the ice. How many times in Miami did you drag my ass to optional skates?"
"So I miss one practice and now everybody is here? That's unfair."
I am standing. I am pacing and they are all watching me. My skin is on fire and I want everyone to go away. I want to go back to bed with Mouse and be done. Be done with them. The team. Maybe with Wes because I don’t think I can do this anymore.
"Luca, we think you should talk to someone." Ash is looking at his hands. "A professional. I don't know if it's the team doctor or someone else, but you should talk to someone."
"So now I'm a mental case?"
"No. Come on. That's not what I'm saying." He looks at Avi, then back at me. "What I'm saying is that this is more than being sad about being in Atlanta while your boyfriend is in Miami and nobody here even knows he exists. This is something else, Luca."
"We care about you," Wes says. "All of us. I just don't think any of us know how to help." His voice catches on the last word. He stops. Tries again. "I think you should talk to someone. Someone who knows what they're doing. Because I don't."
"So I'm just the fucked up, broken, crazy person?"
"That is not what we are saying."
Avi talks. "Luca, we want you to go on your own. But if you don't, I'm going to have to go to Coach."
"You're threatening me now? To see a shrink?"
"Avi." Wes draws his attention. "Don't."
"I'm his captain, Mercer. If one of my guys is going through something like this and I don't say anything, that's on me."
"I know. But not like that."
