Page 70 of Sublimate
“Thanks for doing this,” Beau said as he carefully buckled his son into the car seat. He and Nolan shook hands. “Finley and I would like to have you over to reciprocate for some of what you’ve done for me over the years,” he added.
“You don’t have to reciprocate.”
“I’d like to, though,” Beau told him. “It’s not fair to you if we’re all just taking and taking.”
We convinced Cadence to sleep over in the guest bedroom and that wasn’t hard to do, because she really was scared to go backto the house that actually belonged to her. We all went to bed, her in the guest room that had been mine and me upstairs in the room that belonged to Nolan.
“If I were her mother, I’d be packing my bags,” I said. “It’s better to get that done early, just in case you have to leave fast. I was never prepared and that’s one reason why I’ve lost so much stuff over the years. That and people burning or selling it.”
“Nobody will do that anymore.” He plumped up my pillow and then did his own. “We won’t have to run out of here in the middle of the night.”
“Unless a wendigo gets in. There’s one in my book, but I think it’s actually just the murderer pretending that all the crimes are supernatural stuff.”
He looked at the cover of the library paperback on the nightstand. “Do you think you should be reading that? You’re already nervous about ghosts.”
“I’m not,” I said. I snuggled under the extra blanket that was for my side of the bed only. “I’m not positive that I believe in them anymore. I mean, I may, but I’m not sure.”
“What changed your mind?”
“I don’t have to be afraid of stuff now,” I said. “I thought that I was scared of the cemetery that was near Kolter’s house, but I was more scared of him. I would think about people rising from their graves instead of dreading what would happen when he got home. I was doing all the things that Cadence talked about, how she manages her mom and tries to control her moods. If I didn’t do it right, it came back hard on me.”
“You know that I would never—”
“I know,” I told him. “I know.”
We turned off the lights, but I wasn’t able to sleep right away. So far, this had been the best Christmas I’d ever experienced. There had been no fighting and there had been plenty of food. And tomorrow, I had a present for Nolan that I was excited to give him. I had gotten a backpack because he would be returning to school to take a few classes that would move him toward a teaching career, and I had also gotten a water bottle and new pens. I wanted him to know that I supported what he was doing and that I was right behind him, if he needed me.
Maybe he had gotten me a present, too. He hadn’t needed to, but it would have been so exciting to have something, maybe even wrapped and with a ribbon! I couldn’t think of the last time I’d gotten a gift like that or if I ever had, in my life.
I looked at his faint shadow in the moonlight. Then I scooted across the cold sheets, until I was near enough to his side that I could feel his warmth.
“Nolan?” I whispered.
“Mmm.”
“Can I hug you?”
“What? Hug me?” He sighed and then turned onto his back. “Vivi?” He opened his arm and I pressed against his side. “You ok?”
I was. “I just wanted to do this,” I explained. I thought he might have already been asleep, because he sighed again. But then hisarms tightened, snuggling me closer, and I reached across his body so that I could hug him, too. We didn’t need to have sex, no matter what Cadence had said about it. She wouldn’t have understood how he didn’t have any desire to do it and that I didn’t either. I was done with that.
I shivered a little but not from a chill. I’d gotten a warm, squiggly kind of feeling. No, I definitely wasn’t cold anymore—I actually felt very hot and again, kind of quivery. It took even longer for me to fall asleep and when I woke up the next morning, I still had that feeling. It was stronger.
“Vivi,” Nolan murmured. We had moved sometime in the night but we were still pressed together. Now, we were spooning, my back against his chest and his legs tucked behind mine. He held me in his arms again, but it was different. His hand cradled my breast and he was massaging with his fingers. His hips were moving, too, rhythmically. Thrust, thrust, thrust…
I made a sound in my throat that sounded like a purr.
He froze. His hips stopped and so did his massage, and then he jerked his hand away. “Vivi?” he asked, but this time, he was wide awake. He rolled away from me and I heard him breathing hard.
“You must be really relieved,” I said, sitting up. I was panting a little and I felt even hotter than before, and just as shaky inside.
“What? You think I’m relieved?”
“Before, you were worried about how you didn’t want to have sex, but it looks like you want it now,” I said.
“I’m sorry.” He put his hand over his face. “I was asleep and I didn’t know what I was doing.”
“Yeah, that’s ok…” But I was speaking to his back, because he had gotten out of the bed and strode into the bathroom. He closed the door behind himself, almost slamming it.
