Page 65 of Sublimate
“No.” He shook his head. “What did you say about ice cream?”
I brought out the cake and he was thrilled, but after our dessert he suggested something that was less than thrilling: math. We’d been working together while he was away, but he wanted us to jump right back in, hardcore, now that he was home. “I know you can get this,” he promised me. I still had my doubts. But things had started to make more sense than they had back in elementary and middle school, and that was a good step. Math didn’t seem so much like a foreign language—although, Nolan was also speaking a lot of French, and I had been picking it up more easily than long division.
“Make sure this column lines up…there, that’s right. Good job,” he said, and I smiled. That had been a hard problem. “This isn’t what most people do for fun on a Friday night,” he said next.
“Would you rather be doing those other things? I wouldn’t,” I answered. “I prefer division, as long as I’m doing it with you.”
“Would I rather be out with people who don’t really care about me and who are mostly interested in my wallet, or would I rather spend time with the person who was waiting for me with an ice cream cake?” he asked. “I’ll take you and dessert in a heartbeat. It was odd at my parents’ house—it was odd because of how theywere acting completely out of character, but I also realized how much I’ve come to depend on the routine that you and I have. I also realized how much I enjoy helping you with this.” He tapped his pencil on my page of problems. “I started looking into it as something I could do professionally.”
“Tutoring?”
He tapped faster. “What if I was a teacher instead of a tutor? You were saying that you thought I need to find a profession and I agree. I can’t just drift around for the rest of my life, with no plans and no structure. I never had much of that and I always ran away from it, like how I ignored my school schedule and hopped on my plane whenever I wanted. It was as if I was proving a point, that I didn’t have boundaries.”
I was nodding, because that sounded great. No boundaries.
“But I think that I need them. I need structure and routine. I keep hearing Beau say that it’s what his son needs, too, so I may be more like an infant than I previously understood.”
“I mean, I sometimes think that I would like to have a boundless life, but it depends,” I said. “That could turn into chaos and I’ve never liked that. Wherever I was, I tried to make things more regular. I cleaned Kolter’s yard and I was watching all those bread videos. I guess boundaries aren’t terrible, but getting on a plane and flying somewhere fun? It still sounds good.”
“I looked into subbing and also the teacher preparation program at Emelia Shuab College. Before I dive in, I should test the waters.”
“You did recommend swimming lessons for me before we went in the ocean,” I recalled.
“We’ll definitely get on the plane and go to Hawaii,” he promised. “I’m sorry our trip fell apart.”
“You don’t need to apologize. We shouldn’t go until you have your teaching stuff settled,” I said. “It’s a great idea for a profession. I would have loved to have a teacher like you.”
“Really?”
“You explain things in different ways until you find one that I get. And you never roll your eyes and act like I’m wasting your time, and you never get sarcastic or call me an idiot.”
“You had a teacher call you an idiot?” Nolan sounded shocked and also angry.
“No, but other people have. Sometimes they used the word but sometimes it was implied, like when Cadence was asking, ‘You don’t even have a driver’s license?’ To me it sounded the same as, ‘How dumb are you that you can’t function as a regular person?’ Not having that, not graduating from high school, not getting a job offer…” I shrugged. “Those things could make you feel like an idiot.”
“You’re not.”
“Neither are you. You think, ‘Oh, I was drinking and wasting time, when I should have been working hard,’ but you just needed more time to figure stuff out. It’s lucky that you ended up as the person that you are today, no matter how long it took you to get here,” I told him. “It’s lucky for me because I get toknow you and we have our relationship.” I felt the same glow of satisfaction that I always did when I thought about the link between the two of us.
Nolan was frowning, though. “That’s a nicer way to see things, but I don’t think it’s accurate. When I left my parents’ house, my father asked if I was finally getting back to work. Then he said, ‘Never mind, you don’t have that issue,’ and he looked so disappointed.”
“He’s probably disappointed about the reason why,” I said.
“Because I’m lazy?”
“No, because his parents, your grandparents, bypassed him and left their fortune to you,” I prompted. “Isn’t that what happened?”
“Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what happened. They didn’t like him very much,” he answered.
“So now, having felt his parents’ disapproval, he’s doing the same thing to his own son. After you spent two weeks with them to help out!”
“I’m sorry that I was gone for so long.”
“No, I wasn’t trying to say—”
“I know you don’t begrudge my time away or missing a holiday together, but I’m sorry that I didn’t insist that you stay with me,” he explained.
“It would have been pretty miserable. I’m aware that your mom doesn’t like me.”
