Page 31 of Sublimate
“Language,” his friend said, frowning, and I glanced at that far chair and barely held in a smile. Nolan looked completely shocked.
“In college, you had the filthiest mouth. I remember you saying—” He broke off. “Never mind.”
“You can never tell my son any of what we did in college,” Beau said severely. Well, he tried to sound that way, but he wasn’t a very stern person. He was Nolan’s friend who had accompanied him on so many trips, and I could easily see him in the role of “sidekick.” Except I also had a feeling that if someone threatened this kid, he would battle to the death.
It was sweet to see a dad so protective, but Nolan remained shocked by it for their entire visit. That didn’t last very long because this was a tiny baby, and it took almost more time for them to leave than they had spent in the living room. First, it was a huge thing to get Finley into his car seat and then it proved almost impossible for Beau to back out onto the street. Therewas no one coming, but his car only progressed by inches as he repeatedly checked the mirrors, his backup camera, and then turned around to physically look. Finally, I had to walk out and hold up my hands to stop any potential traffic (there was still no one coming) so that they could leave.
“What the hell happened to him?” Nolan wondered as their car crept around the corner at five or ten miles per hour. “He’s acting like that infant is made of eggshells.”
“Babies are very delicate,” I said. It sounded like I knew what I was talking about but actually, beyond forcing my doll to sit up and eat spoonfuls of water? I had no real experience. “Before, you were talking about how Beau couldn’t take care of himself, but I don’t think you need to worry about him taking good care of his son.”
“I couldn’t believe that he asked me if I’d had the exterior paint tested for lead. Is he going to let his kid eat my house?” He shook his head and quoted his friend’s scolding voice. “‘Language,’” he told me, and shook his finger.
“I didn’t think that ‘damn’ was so bad,” I assured him.
“I’ve personally heard Beau tell someone…never mind. I will work on my language.” We went inside and back to the living room, where no one did much living. Nolan spent almost all of his time split between his bedroom and the kitchen.
“What was the trouble that you two got into during college?” I asked him.
“Imagine two drunk guys with a good supply of money. Then imagine everything that they could do wrong, and that was whatwe did.” He picked up his friend’s glass of lemonade, which Beau hadn’t really tasted because he’d been anxiously watching how I held the baby. He hadn’t let Nolan do it, but Nolan hadn’t offered to take a turn, either. He had stared at Beau’s son like his old friend was holding a demon or possessed child. Finley definitely wasn’t either one, but he had cried and then spit up some of the formula he had taken from the bottle, and the diaper change had been eye-opening. I had whistled when I saw what could come out of a body that size.
“Beau said that he wants to start his own business,” I mentioned. I had been impressed by that almost as much as I’d been impressed by how he’d watched over his baby. “Doesn’t he already have a job?”
“He does, working for the Woodsmen football team. But I have the feeling that he doesn’t like it and I know that his career there isn’t sustainable. He got his position because he was married to my cousin. Our family owns part of the team,” Nolan explained. “Now that they’re divorced, she wants him out. She was unfaithful and they hated each other, so it’s for the best that they’re over, except for the problem with him losing his job.” He seemed unconcerned but all I could think about was the baby that Beau now had with another woman. What if there was no money to buy more diapers? From what I had seen, that kid would definitely need a lot of those! What if their car broke down, despite how carefully Beau drove? How would they pay for it?
“What does his girlfriend do? Does she have a job? Is she still around?”
“Uh…” He shrugged. “I’m not sure about her work situation. I think I remember him saying that she’s also at the football team doing something, but she’s not his girlfriend. They were sleeping together and then Finley happened.”
“Babies don’t just happen!” I remembered my mom sitting me down and explaining how they would come about and how you had to prevent them at all costs. What if I’d had a baby with Kolter?
“I think he’s aware of the basics but they obviously messed up. He’s not sorry about that now,” Nolan told me.
“Obviously not, but what will happen if this business idea fails? Do you think that the state will step in? Not always, and they don’t catch everything that’s going wrong in families,” I said.
He stared at me, as surprised as when his friend had gotten mad about the bad language. “Beau isn’t going to become destitute.”
“How do you think people live if they don’t have jobs?” I asked. It was a reasonable question, because maybe he hadn’t ever considered it. He was going along great without working, but that wasn’t true for almost anyone else, unless they were scamming or getting assistance.
“I understand that he would have to work.” He sounded amused, as if I was saying something funny—but this was so serious! “I meant that if something happened and he needed help, he would have me.”
“What? You would pay for him and Finley?”
Now he was back to shocked, like, how could I even have asked that? “Of course,” he told me. “If he needed it, why wouldn’t I help him?”
“What if the problems were his own fault? What if he had done something dumb like…what if he had grabbed a coworker’s breast?” Kolter had expected my forgiveness for that—well, no, it hadn’t crossed his mind that he would need forgiveness. He didn’t really see that he’d done anything wrong.
“Yes, the mother of his baby is a coworker but their relationship was consensual.” He shook his head. “He wouldn’t assault someone.”
“I’m just throwing out examples. What if he made bad choices throughout his whole life? What if he made terrible decisions about jobs? And school? And money?”
“He has,” Nolan assured me. “I’m the only one who made stupider choices.”
“But what if he also acted dumb? Like, he got himself involved with awful people, not just once but all the time.”
“Yes, he also did that. Should we go for our walk?” he suggested, and we went out through the kitchen. We had been walking together every day, which was one of my favorite parts of living here. I loved that I didn’t worry about my personal safety, and I loved the food, air conditioning, and hot water—but I really loved going on our walks. The neighbors were friendly and came out to talk or to introduce their dogs, but he hadn’t known any of them before now.
“Who did Beau get involved with?” I asked. We set off at a pretty brisk pace, because I could now. I had zero bruises and my ribs felt totally normal. “Were they scary?”
