Page 56 of Sublimate
“I know,” I said. “I always have. In fourth grade, my PE teacher announced to the class that I was a fast runner. It made my year. And if a guy told me that I was pretty?” I fanned myself and whistled. “I was his forever. My mom and Patchouli are gorgeous. They used to be,” I amended.
“Do they look like you?”
“They look like each other. I must take after Ron whoever, the guy who’s not on my birth certificate. You look a lot like your dad, too,” I commented.
“I have the Whittaker features. We’re all pretty similar.”
Which must have meant that there were a lot of handsome guys in his family, because Nolan sure was. He didn’t have the gaunt look anymore (thanks to bread and running) and his features had always been so…appealing. Not only to me, if I was to judge by how the host and waitress at the restaurant had just looked him over. He got that all the time, wherever we were.
“I’m tired,” he said. “I guess it’s stress.” He carried his bag into the white bathroom and while he was there, I changed into the PJs I had brought. They were his old clothes, a T-shirt that was too tight on him since he’d also been lifting, and sweatpants that he’d said I could have because I liked them, even though they were a foot too long. My wardrobe had grown a lot because Cadence had also given me a bag of her clothes. She was also taller and a lot curvier (lucky), but she’d thought that maybe I could find something in there.
He came out of the bathroom and I scooted in, brushing my teeth really well and in the style that had recently beenrecommended to me by the dentist I’d seen—so now, there were x-ray records of my mouth. No matter if there happened to be bears in my future, I could be identified.
Nolan was in bed when I finished, reading a book that Cadence had recommended from the library and wearing a little frown. I slid in next to him. Well, not really “next to him” because this bed was like his up north: huge, a king-size, the kind I hated to change because you had to run miles around the mattress. I also hated folding these sheets when they came out of the dryer, but I could admit now that it was pretty fun to lie in something this size. Unfortunately, it was pretty hard, more like sleeping on pavement. I wiggled, trying to find a comfortable position, but froze when he sighed.
“Sorry I disturbed your reading.”
“No, it’s not you. I’m not really paying attention to this,” he said.
“Are you worried about your dad?” I asked.
“Less now that I’ve seen him and he acted just as he always does.” He looked at the library sticker on the cover of his book and then he looked over at me. “How would you explain our new relationship to other people? What would you tell Cadence about us?”
“I would have to say it gently,” I answered. Then I remembered that he was still clueless about her feelings toward him and hurried past the need to be gentle. “I’ll say that you and I are going to have a different kind of thing. Not a romance, not sex. Just us like we were before, but settled. Secure and stable.”
“Settled, secure, stable. Those are three words that have never applied to me in the past.” He smiled. “It sounds nice.”
“Doesn’t it? I love that idea. We can be like Bert and Ernie, friends who complement each other. Did I use that word right?”
“Absolutely.” He put down the book. “I’m glad I came to make sure that my dad was all right, even if he didn’t want me here. I’m very, very glad that you came with me.”
My presence was probably a distraction that helped keep him from the temptation of drinking under stress, and I was very, very glad about that, too. “Do you think it’s chilly in here?” I asked. It was, for sure.
“My mom likes to keep it cold. I imagine it’s so that the ice around her heart doesn’t melt.” He got up and I watched as he walked, shirtless and in boxers, to the closet. He’d gotten back into the habit of having his hair cut all the time, and he really looked very nice. The whole package.
“Should I do something more to myself?” I asked him.
Nolan unfolded a blanket and flapped it over me. “What do you mean? What would you do?”
“Like, if your mom and other people are going to think that we’re together, I won’t wear my Cum and Go shirt anymore. I did take some lessons at beauty school and I could try to make myself more glamorous. Slightly more.” Reaching actual glamour would be difficult.
“You don’t need to do that.” He slid back into the bed, far away from where I was under my new blanket. “You’re fine the way you are. I liked your braids today.”
“My sister used to practice braiding on my head like I was a cosmetology mannequin and I picked it up some skills, too. Do you actually think that I’m fine?”
“No.” He reached over and clicked off the light. “I actually think that you’re beautiful.”
Chapter 12
“Another bag?” I took it but I didn’t understand. “Why are you getting rid of more?”
“Didn’t you like my other stuff?”
Honestly, I hadn’t gotten much use out of the clothes that Cadence had given me before. I didn’t know how to sew and make them shorter or have less area in the boob region, so I’d gone ahead and donated most of what she’d donated to me. I explained that now, feeling pretty bad, but she didn’t seem to care.
“I just want someone to get use out of it,” she said. She stuffed a sweater back into the bag.
“Maybe that one might fit.” I took it out again and held it up to my chest. “What do you think?”
