Page 62 of Polo Fever
‘You say your mother was never interested in horses?’ he asks, interested.
I shake my head. ‘Nope.’
‘And what about your dad?’
‘He’s completely indifferent to animals and pets.’
He nods sadly. ‘Do you speak to your father often? What is your relationship like?’
‘Mateo, I feel like I have talked about myself this entire day!’ I say, chuckling. ‘Sorry for going on about myself so much.’
‘No, I asked you too many questions,’ he reasons with a shrug. ‘I wanted to know about you. I’d like to know more.’
I shyly fiddle with the hem of my dress. ‘There’s honestly not a lot to know. And surely it’s your turn in the hot seat now.’
He leans back in his seat with a bemused expression. ‘You know everything about me. In our jobs, we’re always talking about my work, what I do and why I do it. It’s been a while now that I’ve been wanting to take you out so I can do what I really want to do when we’re together.’ He takes a beat, sending heat flushing up my neck and through my face before he says, ‘Which is talk with you about you.’
It’s impossible not to laugh at the playful smile on his lips.
‘May I ask you one more question?’ he checks.
I pick up my glass of sparkling water and nod. ‘Sure.’
He takes a deep breath, and asks quietly, ‘Why do I feel like you’re… fighting this?’
My glass pauses midway to my mouth. ‘Fighting what?’
‘Whatever this is between us. I can’t work it out. Sometimes, I think that it’s going the way I want it, then it’s as though it doesn’t exist. I know how it is on my side, but I can’t read you. So, I guess I want to check whether I have a chance.’
I lower my glass back down without taking a sip.
‘When you say you know how it is on your side,’ I begin, the wobble in my voice betraying my nerves, ‘what does that mean?’
I’m not going first.
His throat bobbing as he gazes at me, he takes a moment to form his answer then leans forward. ‘You’re all I think about, Ash,’ he says in a low, gravelly voice that sends warm, glowing sparks through my body. ‘I can’t bear it when you’re not with me. And when you are with me, I feel like I can breathe again.’
My heart is pounding so hard, surely he can hear it. Surely the wholebanksidecan hear it. I try to form words, something to say in response, anything, but my brain has gone blank. I’m lost in his dark eyes that continue to blaze at me as though they never want anything else in their sight. As though I’m the only one that matters.
‘What about Emma?’ I blurt out, my stubborn lines of defence not giving up yet.
He frowns, baffled. ‘Emma?’
‘Basilio told me about her. How you pursued her until she fell for you and then you dropped her. And what about that actress you met at Guards? Or the model you met in Florida, the one I saw you with in your car? And all the other women that flock to you and the other players. Look, I know how it goes in polo and I’m not going to get sucked in.’
Flustered, I run a hand through my hair, which has grown wilder in the heat of today. Having been lost for words moments ago, they sure are spilling out of me now. He was right to ask me why I’ve been pulling away because at least we can get everything out on the table – no more games. I am giving him the chance to back away before it gets messy.
We’re too close, we know each other too well; I can’t be a fling to him. Maybe if we’d only just met. Sure, I’d love to jump into bed with this guy becauselook at him. But it’s too late. I’ve spent too much time with him and I can’t pretend that these feelings don’t exist.
The problem is, how do I know he didn’t say this exact same shit to Emma?
I know now that it’s easy for people to say things they don’t mean.
A memory of Chris flits through my mind: we were at his flat in Wimbledon and he saw me admiring a painting hanging on the wall. ‘I bought that in Paris from a street artist while I was playing in the French Open,’ he told me.
‘I’d love to experience Paris properly,’ I said, gazing at the picture.
‘How about I take you sometime?’ he offered, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. ‘It’s easy enough. We can pop over, pretend we’re there to see the sights and spend all our time in our hotel room.’
