Page 71 of The Duke's Auctioned Spinster
“You seem to think poorly of me, Rose. After all we have been through, do you really think I would be so petty?”
“Yes,” she said bluntly, and the word was said with such force that it seemed intended to wound.
“Then I have clearly failed to give a proper account of myself. But I would never stoop so low as to act out of a sense of vengeance. Besides, does this look like revenge to you?” he asked, stretching out his arms and gesturing to the maze around.
“I have no idea what revenge would look like, Edmund. I do not think in those terms. I just try to live my life as best I can.”
“As best as youwant, you mean.”
“Is there anything wrong with that? It seems to be how you have lived your life, or at least how you want to live it,” Rose said.
“And perhaps that is why we are ill-suited. We are too similar. I wonder what the chances are of finding the one person in London who thinks the same way as me.”
“I wonder if I should be insulted,” Rose said. Her tone was sharp and her features sharper. She was not giving him an inch and had been hostile from the first moment she arrived. Perhaps he should not have been surprised at this, considering their last true conversation, but even so, he was disappointed that she seemed to be angry with him.
“Rose, I did not bring you here to argue.”
“Then why did you bring me here? Why do this? Why put us both through more of this when we both know it is not going to lead to anything?”
“Because I missed you,” he said. It was rare for him to sacrifice his sense of bravado, but it felt like it was time for the truth, or at least as much of it as he was willing to give.
“You missed me?” she asked, her voice softer now. There was a shocked expression on her face. Her eyes were so wide he felt as though he could dive into them and swim to the very edge of the world.
“Yes. I missed you, Rose. I have enjoyed spending time with you far more than I thought I would at the beginning. And I know our last conversation was not what either of us expected, but it does not mean I was ready for things to end. If we are to say goodbye, then I want to do so on happier terms, as friends, at least. The way you looked at me when you left Stonewood Manor… It was not what I wanted at all.”
Rose considered his words and dipped her head. She angled it to the side, and a shadow spilled across her face, covering her cheek. Edmund wanted to reach up and peel it back as though it were a mask, but he resisted the urge.
“I was just trying to cope with the situation. It was hard, everyone believing one thing, while we knew the opposite.”
“It is no easy place to exist. I have been dealing with the same thing myself. I must admit a fault: I believed that others wouldbe able to cope with it as well as I have, but Alfred and Mary do not seem content. I suppose I have been lying for so long that it has become a habit, and I forget that it is not supposed to be natural for people.”
“Nobody ever forced you to lie, Edmund. You could show people the authentic version of yourself.”
Edmund smirked. “Nobody would be interested in that. The real Edmund is not half as entertaining as the one people know.”
“You have managed to keep me entertained,” Rose said.
They continued walking.
“A compliment, how rare.”
“Don’t,” she said softly. “Don’t be like that.” It was a gentle admonition, but it did serve to disarm him. He didn’t have to play a role with her. Edmund fell silent and clasped his hands behind his back.
“Have you given any more thought to Amelia?” she asked.
Edmund cocked his head, taking a moment to recall the girl.
“Amelia? No… no not really.”
“I really do think she would be better suited for you.”
“I have had people tell me what they think all my life, but I have only ever done what I think is right. And Amelia… I am sure she will make someone very happy, but she is too concerned with meeting people’s expectations. She wants to be the personification of a duchess. I fear she is trying too hard, and she has not quite worked out what she wants. She only wants to marry me because I am a duke. It is the title that matters to her, not the man beneath.”
Rose nodded, then changed the subject. Edmund glanced over his shoulder to make sure that Jenny was still visible.
“You must be looking forward to your adventure,” she said.
“I am, although of course I must arrange a marriage for Lydia first.”
