Page 64 of The Duke's Auctioned Spinster
Charlotte and Nathaniel were watching Luke. Mary and Alfred glared at him. Clara’s spiteful look was directed toward Rose, who was speaking to Lydia. Lord and Lady Bolton were speaking with Beatrice and Agatha. It was as though he was lost in torment, doomed to be surrounded by others and yet focused on her.
The one he could not have.
The one he should not want.
“Excuse me,” he muttered, dabbing the corners of his mouth with a napkin and rising from his chair. He moved to the side of the room and stared out of the window at the bleak morning. There was a thin mist veiling the world. It was not the first time he had been frustrated with the state of the world or his life.
If he were another man, then perhaps he could have married Rose, although the fact that he was considering the matter at all surprised him.
“I hope you don’t mind me joining you, Your Grace. Are you well?” Amelia said. Edmund had been so lost in his thoughts that he had not noticed her approaching. He flinched a little and did not cover being startled with a smile.
“Yes, I am well. I just needed a moment to myself. Is everything to your liking?”
“Very much so. As I said, I have had a wonderful time. I just wondered if you had a chance to think about what I said last night. I would like to hear your opinion on the matter.”
Amelia’s eyes were filled with hope, and her smile was beseeching. Edmund felt he had to be gentle with her.
“I am flattered, of course, but what you speak of is a complicated matter. I have not even spoken to your parents, after all. Is this even something that you want?”
Amelia furrowed her brow, as though she did not quite understand the question.
“Is it not what all of us want? It is what we are born for, after all. I have spent my whole life learning to be the best version of myself, and I know I could make you proud. I would do all I could to earn the title of duchess,” she caught herself quickly, “if you forgive my boldness, Your Grace.”
“Boldness is a fine quality,” Edmund replied, his gaze shifting toward Rose. “It is not proper for us to speak about this matterhere. Please return to the table and enjoy the rest of your breakfast. I shall join you shortly,” he said.
Amelia inclined her head and did as he asked. She was a sign of the life that awaited him if he lived ‘properly’, as everyone was so insistent he did. Yet he could think of nothing that was more interminable. Amelia might have learned how to be a perfect duchess, but he did not want someone to fill a role.
If he were to be married, he wanted it to be to someone who knew her own mind, who had her own spirit and ideas, who possessed independent thought and acted with a sense of self-motivation rather than simply dancing to the tune of society.
Previously, he had thought that this notion was impossible until he met Rose. Now he knew that such a woman existed, but because of her very nature, marriage was impossible. The qualities that attracted him were the ones that made her averse to a traditional life, and perhaps it was the same for her as well.
They were doomed to be themselves, and that was the tragedy of it all, he supposed. It was almost frightening to realize how easy it was to love and desire her. But there was no space for everything in life, and his craving for adventure had to come first.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Iwonder what they are talking about,” Rose asked quietly as she gazed at the opposite side of the room. Edmund and Amelia appeared to be in conversation about something. Envy flared in Rose’s heart even though she had no right to feel that way. Hadn’t she told Edmund to find happiness with Amelia? She was a far better match for him, and honestly, she should be glad that two people could find happiness.
Yet she was not that open-hearted at the present moment.
She had almost not come to breakfast at all, still feeling ruined and awkward about her and Edmund’s conversation the previous night. She had feigned illness, but her parents persuaded her to endure it for breakfast so as not to leave anyone with a poor impression.
“I would not like to hazard a guess. Did you hear what I said? Edmund declared that he wants me to be married. The searchwill begin in earnest, and soon I will meet my future husband!” Lydia said, squeaking with glee.
Rose smiled, pleased that her dear friend was finally getting what she wanted.
“It does warm my heart to see you so happy, Lydia. But please bear in mind what I said as well. Do not compare the men you meet with the ones you know from the page. Reality has a way of falling short of the imagination.”
“I am not naïve. Perhaps if I find someone swiftly enough, we might be able to get married at the same time. Imagine having a shared ceremony? And then we could be with a child at the same time, and our children would be such firm friends that they would be like siblings. Oh, Rose, we are going to have a wonderful life!”
Rose gave a small, sad smile.
“We shall see what happens. Let us not become too attached to the future that exists in our minds.”
Lydia clasped Rose’s hand and leaned in, lowering her voice so that only Rose could hear her words.
“I know you must be upset that Edmund has not proposed yet, but do not fret. I am sure it is coming. He does like to make a chore of these things. If he does not propose today, then I amsure that he will ask in the coming days. We will be family soon enough.”
“Do you truly think so?” Rose asked, knowing it would never happen. “Even though Edmund has always been opposed to the idea?”
