Page 44 of My Addiction
“Calm down, dear. I think I need to explain my son to you so you will understand.” She leads me over to the chairs.
“I’m going to keep Ollie entertained while you talk.” Xavier hugs me again. “Remember when I told you it was worth it. Listen with your heart, Colton.”
Alessia sits and faces me. “Have you seen Ronan’s tattoo?”
I nod. She makes a face. “I can’t say that I agree with him having that permanently on his skin, but that was his choice. It’s also something that he needed. Did he tell you what the words mean?”
“Protection above all.”
“Yes, but I take it he didn’t explain it to you.”
I shake my head.
“We all have security with us at all times. But when he and Liam were sixteen and full of themselves, they decided that they didn’t need or want it. It was Ronan’s idea. My boys were trained from an early age to protect and defend themselves. So he thought the two of them could handle anything.” A wistful look crosses her face. “They both found that not to be true when Liam was kidnapped that night.”
I gasp.
“Ronan took it the hardest. He felt responsible for what happened. Liam was only gone for a few hours and wasn’t badly hurt. Ronan felt he had failed to protect his brother. They had taken oaths to each other, all five of them: family first, never hurt family, and always protect those that matter. Ronan felt like he didn’t keep that oath.” She reaches over and takes my hand as she continues.
“I’m sure you’ve noticed that Ronan is very literal, very by the rules. He’s told you that he’ll protect you and never hurt you, yeah?”
“Yes. He told me that last night… when we were together.” I stop myself. Even though I know she knows what we did, I just can’t bring myself to say it to her.
She nods in understanding. “Then right afterward, you ran to the bathroom. I assume he didn’t go with you, and you shut the door.”
I nod.
“Ronan doesn’t understand embarrassment. So, between that and him seeing you physically uncomfortable, he thinks he hurt you. He’s pulling back, not because he wants to, but because he thinks he failed you. His way of making that up is to protect you from the known threat.”
I think about the interactions between Ronan and me, and with his family. Since the day I met him, he has been protective and possessive. But he’s been caring and gentle, not only with me but also with Ollie. The conversations we’ve had where I’ve needed to explain things to him, especially what I was feeling or thinking, replay in my head.
“I see the wheels turning in your head. Ronan, like Declan and the others, has antisocial personality disorder. They come across as cold and unfeeling. They have emotions. They’re just muted. It makes it hard for them to express themselves or understand others.” She finishes as Xavier walks over to us.
“When I met Declan, I thought he was crazy. He became obsessed with me from the first moment we met. I thought he was an entitled dick who was only chasing me because I told him no. Then I got to know him and his love language. It’s not like the mushy stuff in all of those romance novels. It’s intense and sometimes overwhelming, but with them, you know exactly how much they care from their actions. I’ve never been happier or more loved in my life.”
That is what I want, to be loved and happy. To have someone help me not only with my life, but also with Ollie’s. It hits me like a freight train. I don’t want someone; I want Ronan.
“I know this is overwhelming for you. It’s also happening quickly. But I need to ask you. Do you care for my son?”
It’s as if Alessia were in my head, hearing my thoughts.
“Yes, I do. He’s an amazing man.”
“Then you need to communicate with him. You can’t expect him to read you or grasp what you are trying to say. You just need to say it. Be blunt,” she smiles at me.
“I can do that.” I smile back.
“Oh, and call him out on his bullshit. Declan listens to me better when I’m aggressive.” Xavier chuckles. “Then that makes him aggressive in all the right ways.” He winks at me.
I laugh. I know what I have to do, and I’m not going to be nice about it. “Do you guys mind watching Ollie for a little while longer? I need to go have a conversation.”
“Honey, it’s my privilege to watch him. Kieran is bringing my laptop to me, and I plan on working in here today.” Alessia says, and I never want to take advantage of their kindness.
“I’ll be here most of the day as well. Declan has meetings with finance, and those are so boring.” Xavier rushes over to Ollie and scoops him up. “Ball pit!” he yells before sinking into the pit with a laughing Ollie in his arms.
“Go, we’re good here. Come back for lunch.”
The hug she gives me is so comforting that I almost cry again. I whisper a thank you to her and head to Ronan’s office.
