Page 20 of The Long Way Home
He lets out a low whistle. “You’re really fucking this one up, huh. I mean, she’s not exactly going to ignore you, you know that, right?”
“Yeah, I know,” I mutter, shifting the box again. “That’s the problem.”
Anderson chuckles. “Man, she’s going to flip out. But also good for you, I guess. You two clearly have shit you need to work through, so maybe this is your chance to fix some stuff.”
I drop the box onto the floor with a thud and run a hand through my hair. “Fixing stuff isn’t as simple as just showing up. You know that.”
“Yeah, but it’s a start,” he says, clapping me on the shoulder. “At least you’re back in the same city, and eventually in the same room as her. That’s half the battle.”
I shake my head. “Half the battle? She’s pissed at me. And she should be. I left. I disappeared. I’m pretty sure she never wants to see me again.”
“Have you asked her?”
“No. After the wedding, I’m not really sure she’ll agree to see me.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure if telling her that her boyfriend sucks was the smartest move you could have made. You could have at least warmed her up to you being back before you pissed her off.” He sets another box down beside the pile.
“I know, but I don’t like not being honest with her,” I shoot over my shoulder.
“Ironic, since you’re hiding the fact that you’re living in the same town as her from her.” He continues, “Just text her and see if she wants to get coffee or something. You know, Rachel, she can’t turn down that. And if she says no, then you suck it up and deal with it. But the longer you wait, the harder it gets.”
I pace a little, glancing at the boxes scattered around the living room. “And with Ben around? She’s different with him. I don’t know if she’ll even talk to me.”
A low chuckle escapes Anderson. “Rhett, come on. Everyone sees what’s happening. Ben’s a placeholder, a joke. She’s too smart to stay with him. He’s—he’s a disaster. Trust me. She doesn’t need him, and deep down, she knows it. She has just spent a long time taking care of everyone else; you can’t blame her for losing herself along the way.”
“Have you always been this deep?” I question.
“Slone says I’ve been thirty since I was about ten, so I’d say probably?”
“Maybe I’ll text her,” I reply as we head to the truck for another box.
Rachel deserves better than Ben. She always has. He doesn’t look at her the way a man should look at the woman he’s lucky enough to have beside him. He gets to be near her. He gets to come home to her. And for what? He acts like she is a piece of furniture he has gotten used to. She is something he doesn’t have to earn.
I’d give a lot to be that close to her again. To have her look at me the way she used to. But I burned that chance a long time ago, and Ben gets to coast through what I ruined.
If I hadn’t made that promise to Josh, maybe I could’ve stayed gone. Maybe I could have finally let her go.
I close my eyes for a second, letting the memory come in softly.
Josh’s voice floats in. His face, bright and full of life, is clear in my head.
He was drunk when he asked me to look out for her. And I don’t mean the sloppy or loud kind. He was drunk enough to say things he’d normally keep to himself.
I can still see the curb we were sitting on outside some house party junior year. Rachel and Margo were freshmen. Rachel had left earlier, annoyed at Josh for teasing her about the new guy she’d been texting.
“I don’t like that guy.” Josh scoffed, pacing back and forth on the patio. “I don’t care if he’s on the football team.”
I stayed planted on the curb, sipping my beer. I kept eyes on the horizon, letting him get whatever he needed off his chest. “It’s not like you can really do anything about it.” I shrugged. “She’s a big girl, Josh. She’s gonna make her own decisions.”
Josh stopped mid-step, running a hand through his hair. “She’s too smart for that guy. Hell, she’s too smart for most guys.”
He kicked at a loose stone, letting it skitter across the concrete. Then he frowned. “Why can’t she like someone else, someone I trust? Like, why couldn’t she be into you? I mean, that would be fucking weird, but at least I’d know how she was being treated.”
I nearly choked on my drink, sputtering slightly. “I don’t think Rachel would ever let any guy close unless he passed the big-brother test.” I took a slow breath, hoping to control my thoughts. “I don’t think you have to worry.”
“She can be so infuriating sometimes.” Josh dropped down beside me on the curb, his shoulders hunched. He stared at his hands, quiet for a moment. “Hey,” he finally muttered, glancing at me. “If something ever happens to me, promise me you’ll look out for her.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “Dude, what the hell are you talking about?”
