Page 32 of Thirst
He scoffed. “Like I do? You’ll learn, same as me. Brien is Jude’s primus, so he’s out. And I would’ve picked you anyway. You’re the closest thing I’ve got to a brother. No, screw that. You are my brother.”
Damn, damn, damn.
My gaze flicked from Talon’s face—open, earnest, terrifyingly certain—to the tiny, helpless bundle on his shoulder. Jude shifted, letting out a soft whimper, and suddenly, the air got thinner. Like the room had shrunk around me and left no space to breathe.
I stepped back, palms up. “I’m the wrong guy. I’m honored—gods, I am. But if something happens to you, I’d be responsible for him. Right?”
Talon’s thick brows pulled together. “Where the syndicate is concerned, yeah.”
“So I’d be like his godfather. The way Wayne Baker was my godfather.”
My uncle Wayne Baker, to be precise, although he’d never let me call him “uncle.” I called him sir when I was a kid, and now, I didn’t speak to the bastard at all.
“That’s what a sponsor is. But don’t forget Eden?—”
“If we disagreed, as his syndicate sponsor, I could overrule her. You know that.”
“Hey.” Talon crossed the room toward me. That’s when I realized I’d backed up until my shoulders hit his door. “First, I’m not going anywhere. So this is a ceremonial position. And I want you, no one else.”
“Don’t say that.” I pressed against the thick wood, knee bouncing double-time. “I can’t do it. What if something did happen to you? I won’t risk it. You shouldn’t risk it, and if Eden knew how messed up I am, she’d say hell no.”
Talon was wrong to even ask. No way should I be the one standing behind his son in any official capacity. Not as a sponsor. Not as anything that implied I was whole.
I was too broken inside.
“Listen to me.” Talon crooked his free arm around the back of my head, bringing my face to his, Jude between us. “Are you listening?” He waited for my muttered agreement before continuing, “You are nothing like that motherfucker. I was there, remember? I know what he’s like and I know what you’re like. You might not know what you’re doing, but you’ll figure it out. The one thing you would never do is terrorize an innocent kid. I trust you, bro. Understand? I. Trust. You.”
His powerful arm around my head grounded me. That, and the small weight snuggled between us. The fear and anxiousness—and anger—subsided to a level where I could think more clearly.
“No, you don’t understand. I don’t have any good memories about being a kid, and I know nothing about raising one. I never even knew my mom, and I don’t remember my dad.”
Yeah, maybe I had a couple of memories that might be my dad—tickling me until I was laughing hysterically, kicking a ball around with two-year-old me. But I wasn’t sure if those were real or imagined, something I’d made up to comfort myself when my aunt and uncle had punished me yet again for breaking some rule I hadn’t even known existed.
Talon had pretty much adopted ten-year-old me, even though he’d been only a few months older, and I’d been an angry, insolent little shit who only went to school for the free lunch.
The man had literally saved my life, giving me a place to hide from my dick of an uncle. By thirteen, I’d been planning Wayne Baker’s murder. In detail.
It had been Talon who talked me down, pointing out I’d go to juvie for years. “When we’re older,” he’d promised, “we’ll stick it to the sonuvabitch.”
“Yeah,” I’d said around the lip my uncle had bloodied. “We will.” Then I’d punched a hole in Talon’s bedroom wall, and he’d taken the blame for it. Together we’d patched the wall and repainted his whole damn bedroom so his mom wouldn’t forbid me from coming over.
My eyes had closed. My face had blanked. I could feel myself retreating into numbness. My safe place, the place where no one could hurt me. I kept my knee going, though, the rhythm both soothing and a reminder that I could run like the wind now. Nobody touched me now if I didn’t want them to.
Nobody.
“Hey.” Talon gave me a shake. “You still with me?”
I forced my eyes open again. “I’m sorry, but—you were there, Tal. You saw what he was like. What if I’m like him? What if I…lose control?”
“You won’t,” he said, voice steady, firm. “You’re always in control. You used to scare me a little when we were kids. You’d get that look on your face—that laser focus—and even the bigger kids would back off.”
I pulled back, shaking my head.
He released me but stayed close. “Please, Cain. There’s no one else I’d rather have looking out for Jude. Brien will be his primus. I know he’ll do his best, but he has the syndicate as a whole to consider. You’ll be Jude’s person—the guy he can count on to always be on his side. If you’re worried, let Brien and Eden make the major decisions. You just be his advocate.”
“Fuck.” I scrubbed a hand over my face, eyeing the tiny dhampir.
He was so small. So breakable.
