Page 3 of When She Was a Governess
“Correct.” Another sob escaped. “I’m sorry, my lord. Leaving her is unimaginable, and yet I must.” Her breath came in shallow gasps, and her shoulders shook with the force of trying to hold everything in.
“Is it customary for governesses to care so deeply for their charges?” Lord Montrose asked.
“I do not know, Lord Montrose. I know only that I love Amelia as if she were my own. I’ve begged my brothers to let me stay, but they will not listen.”
“You would prefer to remain here, under my employment, as a governess, than to be presented into society? To marry a man with a title? To have a home of your own? A child of your own?”
“I would like to have a husband and a home of my own, yes. But not at the cost of leaving Amelia.”
He rose to his feet and went first to the window, drawing back the heavy curtain, peering out to the angry sea. After a second or two, he turned slowly, seeming to take her in anew. “I’m assuming your dowry will be generous?”
“Yes, my lord. Sebastian will provide a dowry. An attractive one.”
“You will have many suitors to choose from.”
“I am not entirely sure that is true, my lord. Scandal has followed my family. Perhaps I will be shunned.”
“Between a dowry and your…beauty, I doubt that.”
Her beauty? He thought her beautiful?
“And yet, you’d rather stay here with us?” Lord Montrose asked.
“With Amelia.” For some reason, it felt important that she clarify that.
“Mrs. Bromley has told me many times how good you are with her. To her.”
“I try my best, Lord Montrose.” She twisted her hanky between her fingers before she realized what she was doing and purposely stilled them.
“When does your brother intend for you to return to London?”
“I’m not really returning. I’ve not lived there since I was eight years old.”
He folded his hands in front of him, watching her. “How long before you must go?”
“As soon as possible. There are dresses to be ordered and made. Apparently, it will take months to ready me for the humiliation of being paraded around London.”
“I’m aware. I’ve recently endured the making of a wardrobe of my own. I, too, am to marry.”
She wanted to ask if he was engaged. More than anything, she wanted to know what his future held. Because whomever he married would be Amelia’s mother. It was too much to bear. “I’m sorry, my lord. I do hope you’ll find someone who will love Amelia.”
He cocked his head to the right as his eyes narrowed. “This is not playacting. You truly love my niece.”
“I am not a good actress.” She sniffed, dabbing at her eyes. “At least I do not think I am. Having never been on the stage, I cannot be fully certain, of course.”
This brought a slight smile to his full mouth. Such a delightful mouth it was. Made for kissing, she would imagine.Not that she knew anything about kissing, but if she were to kiss someone, she would like it to be a mouth such as his.
Outside, the wind howled, rattling the panes. For a moment, he turned toward the window as rain pummeled the glass. When his gaze returned to her, his expression had sobered. “How is it that you’ve become so attached to Amelia? I knew many governesses as a child, and I can safely say that none of them loved me or my siblings.”
She smoothed her hanky over her lap, ironing out the wrinkles with the heels of her hand. “I can only venture to guess, my lord.”
“Yes?” He continued to watch her with his dark, sensitive eyes.
“I believe it may be that I have been alone in the world for much of my life. My mother died giving birth to me. I was doted upon by my father and brothers for eight years. But then, when my father was taken from us, we were sent to live with a distant cousin of my mother’s. I was sent downstairs to work as a scullery maid. My brothers were sent to the stables and gardens to work as laborers. The Langstons were cruel, as were their children. They seemed to take joy in our misery. When they were only sixteen and fourteen, my brothers joined the military and were shipped off to fight, leaving me more alone than ever. I survived those years, my lord, because of the kindness of the staff, most especially our housekeeper, Mrs. Brown. Without her, I am not sure I would have survived those lonely, frightening years. She educated me on the sly, knowing that my best chance for survival was to secure a governess position.” She paused, folding her hanky into a square, before meeting Lord Montrose’s unflinching gaze. “When they hanged my dear Papa, my heart shattered. I have never recovered completely. One cannot possibly, you see. Eight years old and watching my father’s limp body hanging from a noose is not something a littlegirl should ever have to see. It has been the defining moment of my life.”
Lord Montrose flinched but remained silent.
“Therefore, it is easy to love a child who has no one. No mother or father. No doting brothers. And, Amelia’s an extraordinary child, my lord. Bright and lovely, with the sweetest soul. She has given me more joy in the years I’ve been with her than I’ve had in the entirety of my life. How could I not love her as if I were her mother?” Tears started anew. “And yet, I must leave her. I have no choice. My brothers and their wives are my family. I cannot possibly betray them, when they fought so very hard to restore our family’s name and fortune. Partly, for me. So that I might have a future.”
