Page 22 of When She Was a Governess
“Three.”
They looked at each other. Sophia tried to soften her expression, to project warmth and affection. Lord Montrose appeared to be attempting the same, but the result was so strained, so obviously forced, that they both broke within seconds. He looked away first, a genuine laugh escaping, and Sophia dissolved into giggles.
“That was terrible,” she managed between laughs. “We are dreadful actors.”
“Absolutely horrific. If that’s what being in love looks like, I’m surprised anyone marries at all.”
The laughter felt good, like releasing pressure that had been building since she’d accepted his proposal that morning. When it faded, something had shifted between them. The awkwardness hadn’t disappeared entirely, but it had eased.
“Perhaps,” Lord Montrose said, his smile lingering, “we should simply learn more about each other honestly. The fondness may come more naturally if we’re not performing it.”
“That makes sense.”
“So.” He picked up his fork, somehow making the gesture seem less like eating and more like settling in for real conversation. “Tell me about yourself, Miss Ashford. If someone asks me how I fell in love with you, I should probably know more than the fact that you’re exceptional with Amelia and arrestingly beautiful.”
Sophia’s heart leapt. This was the second time he had called her beautiful. And he’d said she was clever too. Why did his comments feel so good? What was this warmth blooming in her chest? “What would you like to know?”
“Everything.” He said it simply, but something in his tone made it feel like more than a practical question. “But perhaps we start with your family? Tell me about your childhood.”
And so she told him. About her childhood at Ashford Estate, the golden years before everything shattered. About Sebastian’s fierce protectiveness, even as a boy; James’s mischief and warmth but also his rebellious streak; her dear Papa who read to her and let her crawl into his lap whenever she wished. “Sometimes he told me stories about my mother. About their courtship. How beautiful she’d been. What a good mother she had been to my brothers. How I would someday meet her in heaven and ask her whatever questions I wished.”
Lord Montrose nodded, a sadness dulling his eyes. “I do hope that is true. What would you ask her if you could meet her here on earth?”
She hesitated. What exactly would she ask her mother? “I suppose I’d ask her for advice. If there was one thing I should know or do that would make my life mean something.”
“What did your father tell you about her? Something that would give you a hint as to what she might say in answer?”
She nodded, taking a sip of wine. “Papa told me many times how devoted she was to her family. She wasn’t a distant mother, apparently, like some.”
“My own, for example.”
She wanted to ask him more about this mother of his but she saved that for later. “Papa and my mother were affectionate parents. They enjoyed spending time with us and did so more often than most of their social standing. The day they came to get Papa, we were in the library together. All four of us, having a cozy afternoon.” She stopped, the lump in her throat making it impossible to continue.
He simply waited, his dark eyes gentle with understanding.
“At the hanging, Sebastian had to hold me back from running to him. I begged them to stop. To spare him.” She looked down at her plate, tears falling into the chicken. “For years, I had nightmares. I still do, sometimes.”
“I am sorry, Miss Ashford. I cannot begin to understand how devastating it must have been.”
“He was my whole world, you know. He and my brothers. Suddenly, we were tossed aside, given to monsters, with only the memories of our father to sustain us.”
“It was wrong. All of it,” Lord Montrose said.
“It was. And yes, we’ve had our vengeance and legacy returned, thanks to Sebastian’s bravery, but none of us will ever be truly healed. Yet, our past has made us who we are, so in some ways we must be thankful for it. For me, it has given me great empathy for children who have lost their mother and father. When I first came here to interview for the governess position, Mrs. Bromley told me what had happened to Amelia’s parents. I wept, hearing the story.” She smiled, dabbing at her damp cheeks with her napkin. “I did not expect to be given the position. Not after crying in poor Mrs. Bromley’s office. Later, however, she told me my reaction showed my tender heart. She felt confident that I would care for Amelia from a place of understanding and affection. She was right. Taking care of Amelia has been work of the heart.”
He nodded but did not respond.
“When I think about what my mother might tell me about creating a meaningful life, I feel certain she would advise me to cherish family above all else, especially a child.”
“Which has led you to this very moment,” Lord Montrose said.
“That is correct, my lord.” She met his gaze directly. “When I think of your sister and my mother—that they were taken whenthey were needed most, makes me feel ill. Like so much in my life, I wonder why. Why do these tragedies befall good people?”
His eyes darkened further. He looked past her, as if someone stood behind her. “I have often wondered that myself.”
“Still, I am grateful to you. For your offer. Taking me as your wife and giving me the chance to be Amelia’s mother has made my life complete. Please know that. Knowing I will see her grow up gives my life meaning.”
He didn’t speak for a second or two, picking up his wine glass, then setting it down without drinking. “My sister is up there, watching, resting easy knowing how you love her child.”
