Page 14 of When She Was a Governess
“Yes, my lord.”
“I’ve given the matter considerable thought.” He paused, his jaw tightening. “The women my mother has presented as suitable matches—they’re all perfectly appropriate. Well-bred. Accomplished. Generous dowries. Everything a man in my position should want.” His knuckles whitened as he gripped his hands more tightly together. “But not one of them will love Amelia. Not one of them would see her as anything more than an obligation that came with the estate.”
Sophia’s heart began to pound, though she couldn’t say why. “Then you must… you must get to know them first. Introducethem to Amelia before you marry. Judge whether you think they have the capacity to love a child that’s not their own.”
*
“I could participatein the Season, hoping to discern the right match for Amelia and myself. Or I could marry someone who already loves Amelia. Whom Amelia already loves in return.”
Sophia gripped the arms of her chair. “My lord, I do not understand.”
“I’ll say it plainly. We should marry. Each other. Marry me, Miss Ashford.”
Had he really just said that? Marry him. Was he joking? “I…I…” She couldn’t form a coherent thought. “You cannot be serious.”
“In fact, Miss Ashford, I could not be more serious.” He remained perfectly still, watching her with those intelligent, penetrating eyes. “You said yesterday that leaving Amelia feels like dying. That she has your whole heart. As you do hers.”
“She does.”
“Then don’t leave her.” His voice gentled. “Stay. Become her mother in truth, not just in practice. You’ve already given her almost three years of devotion. Why not a lifetime?”
Sophia’s eyes burned with sudden tears. “Because you’re proposing a marriage of convenience, my lord. Not because you care for me.”
“You are correct. I’m not proposing a love match. I’m proposing a solution that serves us both. You would have security, a home, a title. Which will satisfy your brothers. Amelia would keep the only mother she’s ever known.” He drew a breath. “I would fulfill my uncle’s requirements and therefore keep what he bequeathed me in his will.”
“Lord Montrose, your parents will be furious that you married a governess. Won’t they?”
“You’re not only a governess, albeit an exceptional one.” A hint of steel entered his voice. “You’re the daughter of a duke. Your family name has been restored. You’re a suitable match by any measure. Although, I’ll admit my mother won’t see it that way.” His mouth twisted slightly. “However, by the time they learn of our union, the marriage will be a fait accompli. There will be nothing they can do.”
Sophia pressed her trembling hands to her lap. This was madness. Complete madness. And yet, was it the right decision? She could stay with Amelia. Watch her grow up. Be a part of every moment of her life.
“What would this marriage entail?” Sophia asked, sounding much more courageous than she really felt at the moment.
“In name only.” He said it firmly, meeting her eyes. “I would not impose upon you. You would have your own chambers. Complete autonomy over your own life. No expectations beyond appearing as man and wife in public, for the sake of propriety. You would be free to continue caring for Amelia as you see fit, and I would support whatever decisions you make regarding her upbringing.”
In name only.The words should have brought relief. The promise of remaining with Amelia should have been everything. Instead, something hollow settled in her chest. Of course, it would be in name only. She was useful only because of Amelia. That was all. Remove the child from the equation, and she was simply the former governess. The daughter of a disgraced duke who’d spent years scrubbing pots in a scullery. Not someone a man like Henry Montrose would ever truly want.
“Shall I say it again? I want to be clear, Miss Ashford. I will not force myself upon you. I’m offering you a practical arrangement that would allow you to remain with Amelia, togive her the stability she desperately needs. You would have the protection of my name and the security of my home. In return, I ask only that you help me preserve Amelia’s happiness.”
Sophia’s throat tightened. There it was, laid bare. She was being chosen for what she could provide—a mother for Amelia. Not for herself. Not because Sophia Ashford had any value beyond her ability to love a child who wasn’t hers. It was the Langstons all over again, in a different guise. Useful. That’s what she’d been to them—useful enough to exploit, not worthy enough to treat with dignity. And now, useful enough to marry, but not worthy enough to love.
Still, she was being offered a gift. She would be safe. She would be with Amelia. It should have been enough. Why did it feel like she was accepting charity? Why had shame pooled in her stomach?
A voice hissed in her ear, as mean as a snake.No one man will ever love you. To think otherwise is foolish.
Sophia pushed the thought away. What had she expected? That he harbored secret feelings for his daughter’s governess? That this proposal was born of anything but necessity? “This is an outlandish proposal, my lord. One that I would dismiss if it were not that I love Amelia so.”
“But you will accept my proposal? Will you not?”
Sophia looked up at Rebecca’s portrait again, at those laughing eyes that would never see her daughter grow up. What would Rebecca want for Amelia? A stranger chosen for bloodlines and money? Or someone who already loved her child as her own?
“If I agreed,” Sophia said slowly, her voice barely audible over the rain, “when would this marriage take place?”
Lord Montrose’s expression changed to one of hope and perhaps relief. “As soon as it can be arranged. A week, perhaps. I would write to your brother immediately to request his blessingand to invite him to the wedding. Once we’re married and it’s too late, I’ll write to my parents and inform them of our marriage. Rendering them helpless to influence either of us, one way or the other.”
A week. Seven days until her entire life changed. Seven days until she became Lady Montrose, mistress of this manor, stepmother to the child she already loved.
Seven days until she was bound forever to a man who was offering her everything except his heart.
