Page 48 of Inconvenient Honor
“My lord, you took nothing I did not give freely. You owe me nothing. We settled that at the time. You offered marriage.”You demanded. “I refused.”
“But you are my responsibility.”
Dear God, he wants to take me on as a burden to be borne as he carries England on his back.
Richard began to pace and point out the advantages to Lily: money, position, title. He outlined marriage settlements.
“We will, of course, live in London primarily. My work demands it. If you prefer the country—you don’t by chance prefer the country do you?” he swung around to ask.
She gaped back at him, unable to answer.
“Marry me, Lily.”
Tell me that you love me. Tell me you want a partner. Tell me you want me to join my life to yours.He did not.
“No, I—Richard this is nonsense. I will not marry you.”
“Why not?”
Why not? What kind of suitor, once rejected, asks why not?
“Your family will not approve, for one thing.”
“Of course not. Your family background, while adequate, will not add to my consequence, and your fortune, to be kind, is modest. What they want is of no consequence.”
Your dragon of a mother is of very great consequence indeed. She would make us miserable.
He rushed forward, not waiting for a response, and took both her hands. “What happened between us demands?—”
“Nothing. It demands nothing. I have not suffered for it. I am not shunned. I am not with child.” She almost choked on the lie. She pulled her hands away. One went instinctively to her belly where his child even now grew, where she felt it move the day before.
He offers safety and comfort, Lily. Doesn’t your baby deserve that? Marry him.Accept his offer.
Safety and comfort called out to her, but when she closed her eyes to wrap that sense around her, a vision of long years, she and a child trapped in a loveless marriage, relegated to the far corners of his life, took its place. Immense loneliness pushed all other feelings away.
When she hesitated with her answer, Richard resumed his pacing, his scowl deepening.
In that universe I would be on my own, more lonely in that marriage than I am now. If I must be alone, I can bear it better on my own than I could manage inside such a marriage.
“My answer doesn’t change. I will not marry you,” she said at last. What he offered would not do. It would never do.
“Nevertheless, I am not free to look elsewhere with that between us,” he insisted.
She did choke then. “Are you asking my permission to offer for Lady Sarah?”
He stopped in his tracks, snapped upright. “No. Of course not.”
“Ask for her. Everyone expects it. I wish you well of each other. We are finished.” She hoped the steel in her voice and in the look she gave him would move him.
Eventually it did.
“Very well, Miss Thornton, I will not trouble you again. Be aware this is the last time I will offer you the protection of my name.” He waited, expectant.
“Keep it,” she answered, “Offer it elsewhere.”
He made his bow in silence, grim faced.
Lily began to shake when the door closed. Weeping seized her, and she doubled over. She wept until it threatened to make her sick; only fear for her baby gave her control.
