Page 23 of Dead Rattled
“That’s a good way to describe what Natalie was feeling. Her sadness did grow, but it was the biggest today. Does that make sense?”
Ronan sat back on his haunches and thought about Everly’s question. “It does make sense. For the last fifty years, Natalie has prayed and begged and pleaded to meet her daughter. Today was the one yard line for all of her hopes and dreams, and the fear and sadness were in anticipation of this meeting going wrong.”
“So close, but yet so far,” Everly said, sounding much wiser than her seven years. “I never understood what that meant until just now.”
Ronan grinned at his daughter.
“Would you have been sad like Miss Natalie without me?” Everly asked, her voice just above a whisper.
Ronan’s eyes filled with tears. He sat on the soft grass and laid back to look up at the brilliant blue sky above. “I don’t think I would have survived if I lost you.” For once, Ronan wasn’t couching his words to make them more understandable for Everly. Everything he was saying came from the heart. “Natalieis the strongest woman I’ve ever met. She woke up every day without Amanda and moved forward with her life. She got a job, made friends, found a husband, had her sons, but even still with all the joy and happiness she made for herself, she still mourned Amanda.”
“You’re stronger than you think you are, Daddy.” Everly stripped off her gloves and laid down beside Ronan with her head on his shoulder. “You always talk about how it’s a man’s job to protect his family. If you lost me like Natalie did with Amanda, you would have blamed yourself. Just like you do with Mimi Erin.”
“That’s a good point, honey.” Ronan couldn’t help being proud of how intuitive his daughter was. “The bigger part of grief, though, is what you lose in the future.”
“What do you mean?”
“When Dad and I found out we were having a baby girl, I remember thinking about walking you down the aisle on your wedding day, of holding your first baby, cheering you on at graduation or at sporting events. Then there are the million little things in between those big events, your first word, first steps, reading stories to you, dropping you off for the first day of school. I had this whole life imagined in my mind for us. I’m sure Natalie did the same for herself and Amanda. So when her daughter was lost to her, not only did she lose her baby, but all the hopes, dreams, and wishes that came along with motherhood.” Ronan sniffled. He had a lot more to say on the matter, but knew he was about to turn into a blubbering fool.
“You’re not a blubbering fool,” Everly giggled. “I understand what you mean about hopes and dreams. I have my own, for things I want to grow up and do alone and with Woofie and Aurora.”
“Oh, yeah?” Ronan asked, feeling like he was on safer ground. “What hopes and dreams do you have?”
“Well, first of all, I’m gonna do really good in school. I love to learn things and being in class with my best friends makes it even more fun.”
“You know, the old principal wanted to split the three of you up. We all said no.”
Everly giggled. “I know, Daddy. That’s why he’s not the principal anymore. I’m gonna be best friends with Aurora and Woofie for all our lives. Watching you and Uncle Jude and Fitz taught me how important friends are.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“You and Uncle Jude might call each other names, but when you’re in trouble, Jude’s the first one by your side. Same with Uncle Fitz. There are times when you don’t get along or disagree and I can feel how hard those times are. I just want you to make up and feel better, but you have to figure out how things went wrong and how to make them better. That helps me a lot, not just with my friends, but with other people too.”
“You got all of that from me?” Ronan was impressed that his mule-headedness had inspired his daughter to be a problem solver.
Everly nodded, her long hair tickling Ronan’s neck. “Yup. Like I said, you’re stronger than you know. Strength isn’t just in your muscles, it’s in your mind.” She tapped the side of Ronan’s head. “It’s so easy to lose your temper and yell and throw things. It’s a lot harder to use your words.”
“Seriously, how did you get so smart?” Ronan knew itwasn’tthanks to his dumb ass.
“I listen all the time!” Everly laughed. “Even when you think I’m not listening to you, I am. Same with Uncle Jude, Fitz, and Cope. I like to watch you all solve problems. Woofie and Aurora do too. Sometimes we talk about what dumbasses you all are and how we’d do things differently.”
Ronan snorted. “Dumbasses, huh?” He rolled over quickly, sending Everly sprawling to the grass. “Dumbasses?” He tickled her sides and listened as her giggle filled the air. When she was out of breath, Ronan stopped. He flipped over to his stomach and looked down at Everly, who still had her hands up to ward off the next tickle.
“You’re my hero, Daddy.” Everly said, getting up. She pecked a kiss to Ronan’s cheek. “Maybe we could go out for ice cream when we finish here in the garden?”
“How did you know I was in the mood for black raspberry?” Truth be told, Ronan wasalwaysin the mood for ice cream.
Everly grinned. “I told you, Daddy, I’m always listening!”
“You think Ezra, Woofie, Lizzie, and Aurora would want an ice cream too?” Ronan asked, grabbing his phone.
“Nah, I’m sure they’re okay sitting at home eating broccoli.” Everly rolled her eyes. “Of coursethey want ice cream!”
Ronan sent out a text to the group chat. They had a lot to do before the cavalry arrived. Grabbing a pot of lavender, Ronan thought back to what Everly said about Natalie’s grief. That poor woman had spent nine months dreaming about her child’s future and fifty-four years mourning her death. Ronan owed it to her and the other mothers whose children were stolen to find out who was behind the missing babies and make sure they got exactly what was coming to them.
10
Tennyson
