Page 39 of Score
And I don’t even care.
Ever since my parents’ marriage fell apart, ourlivesfell apart, I’ve been cautious about romantic relationships. It’s why I’ve only ever fucked and bounced my whole time at Finley. Leave it to me to meet the girl of my dreams when I’m graduating and she has another year left.
“I’ve been thinking about Juilliard,” I venture, watching her face for a reaction.
“Yeah, me too.” Her expression clouds, and she drops her gaze to her lap. “Hard not to, since you’ll be gone soon.”
“What if I delayed going a year?” I rush ahead of the protests I already know will come. “I could keep working at the studio and do gigs with Tony around town.”
“Why would you do that?” she asks, a frown gathering on her smooth face.
Because I’m in love with you.
It’s a silent declaration that bounces only off the walls inside my head. It’s too soon to tell her. She probably wouldn’t believe me. My advisers would try to talk me out of waiting. My mom, who instilled my love of music from such an early age, would freak out. My instructors at Juilliard, with whom I’ve communicated over the last two years, would be deeply disappointed by any delay. Music has been the most important thing in my life for as long as I can remember, but that was before Verity.
And I know it sounds unreasonable to delay something so vital to my future for her, but how could I explain thatshefeels like my future? And where I live, what I do—it’s just details I’m willing to reshape and build around her; around this connection that has felt deeper and more significant from the moment I met this woman than any other. That not one day has passed since that first night that I haven’t thought of her?
But I can’t say any of that. When we started this, she told me the intensity between her parents had been too much. The last thing I want to do is reveal how deep this goes for me already. I might scare her away.
“Why would I delay a year?” I repeat her question, pressing my forehead to hers. “Because I don’t want to leave you. Petra might swoop in and take you from me again.”
I chuckle to keep it light and she searches my eyes, yielding a smile after a few seconds.
“I don’t want you to sacrifice that kind of opportunity for me, Monk.”
“I wouldn’t be sacrificing anything. Just delaying a year, the way you did.”
“Like I did?” She goes still, lifting her lashes to look into my eyes. “What do you mean?”
“When you withdrew from USC and waited till you were ready to come back to school.”
A hoarse laugh slips past her lips. “That was a very different situation. I certainly didn’t have Juilliard waiting for me while I got my shit together.”
“We’ve never really talked about what happened. I mean what really happened that last semester in Cali.”
“What do you mean, whatreallyhappened?” Her eyes narrow suspiciously. “Why are you digging in my business?”
Hurt stabs my heart for a second, but it’s a wound that closes almost instantly. I know she’s sensitive about that period of her life, and I shouldn’t press yet.
“Sorry.” I pass a weary hand over my face. “I guess Petra’s words kind of got to me.”
Fatigue has loosened my tongue, and I didn’t even realize I’d said that aloud until consternation wrinkles Verity’s smooth expression.
“You and Petra were talking about me behind my back?” she demands, her tone sharper than I’ve ever heard it.
“No, baby, I—”
“Then what words? What did Petra say that made you feel like you can’t trust me?”
“I didn’t say I don’t trust you.”
“You’re digging around in my past, asking questions—”
“Why I gotta dig? If you don’t have anything to hide, then—”
“I’m not hiding anything. Fuck this.” She wiggles, trying to get off my lap, but my arm tightens around her. “Let me go.”
“The hell I will,” I say, my tone sharp, too, as I capture her arm and hold her in place. “We’re not going to fight about this.”
