Page 113 of Score
“Where you going?” he mumbles, his voice sleep-rasped and his eyes still glazed.
“I, um, was just gonna…” I try to pull away, but his arm tightens. “Go home.”
“Why?” Some of the fog clears from his expression, replaced by a frown.
“We said this would be, ya know… casual, and I didn’t want you to think thatIthink that we—Ooompf!”
All the air whooshes out of me when Monk drags me back into bed and rolls on top of me, trapping me beneath him.
“Bring that pretty ass back here,” he says, pushing my hair back from my face and tapping my temple. “There’s too much going on up here.”
He leaves a trail of kisses across my jaw and down the line of my neck. Settling his hips between my legs, he pushes my arms above my head and threads our fingers together. He dips his head and takes my nipple between his lips. “You should have been resting up.”
“Um, for what?” I finally manage to ask dazedly through the haze of lust and languor.
Monk rests his chin between my breasts and grins at me wolfishly.
“For round two.”
THIRTY-FIVE
Verity
“A guy I dated in college is working on the movie I’m currently shooting.”
There’s barely a ripple in Dr. Palmer’s expression, but I know her well enough by now to detect the sharpening of her gaze.
“Oh?” She leans forward and peers at me onscreen, the afternoon light slanting through the window of her Brooklyn office behind her. “Have we discussed him before?”
“Yeah,” I say, seated on the floor with my back against the couch and the laptop on my coffee table. “It’s Monk, the one I was dating when I had my first manic episode.”
“Ahhhhh.” That one syllable says it all. Says she understands this man represents my greatest regret, and the most painful loss this condition has ever cost me.
She understands that I loved him.
“Have you thought about what I said when you first told me what happened at Finley?” she asks.
“That I should tell him everything? Tell him maybe I wouldn’t have cheated on him if I hadn’t been manic?” I toss a look up to the living room ceiling and shake my head. “I don’t think I can do that.”
“Why not?”
“It’s too humiliating, all of it.”
“Are you sure that’s the reason? What if he—”
“He wants to fuck me, though.” I drop my eyes back to the telehealth portal window and waggle my brows suggestively. “No strings. He knows I don’t do monogamy.”
“Does he know it because he asked for that the first time, and he thinksyou betrayed his trust?” she asks, her eyes never leaving my face as if the truth is stamped there. “Or does he know it because you’ve told him you won’t offer that to anyone?”
“Yeah.”
Dr. Palmer tilts her head and considers me. “Which is it?”
“The one you said.”
She rolls her eyes, a rare break in her professional inscrutability, but the tiniest smile teases her lips for a moment before melting away. Compassion, familiar and welcome, fills her gaze through the screen.
“Verity, at some point, you’ll have to reckon with the possibility that you may want to spend your life with someone, and if they want to spend their life withyou, you’ll have to let them in.” Her words settle between us in the silence before she presses on. “You’ll have to trust someone to love you enough to stay even if things go badly. And I won’t pretend sometimes thingsdon’tgo badly. It’s hard being committed to someone who, during an episode, may seem like a different person. It takes a strong partner and a strong bond.”
