Page 97 of On the Bright Side

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It’s cold in here, not much heat to counteract the outside winter weather in this big boxy space. I’ve got the new cooling vest, frozen and ready in my bag, but maybe I won’t need it.

When the last match clears out, Darius and I jog on, and I can already feel my body warming up. On second thought, the cooling vestseems like a good idea. I stop back on the sidelines to put it over my head and Velcro the straps around me.

My teammates are eyeing me and my attire apprehensively, unsure if I’ll be good to play. “Wait, so were you in rehab?” Gavin asks. “You haven’t been in school in, like, forever.”

I shake my head. “Just some health-issue stuff. I had to take the semester off.”

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“That’s cool, man.” Karl seems jealous, not realizing that I’m downplaying this. “I wish I got to stay home when I was sick.”

“You’re all better now?” Gavin presses, looking me up and down.

Snark gets the better of me. “Well, no, but also kind of yes.” I shrug, leaving it at that, fully channeling Ellie in my lack of desire to go over everything with them right now. It’s liberating, not owing anyone a full explanation.

“You look fine.” Gavin nods.

“He looks good!” Karl hypes me up while elbowing Gavin. “Relax, yo. If he was sick—” He interrupts his own thought. “You’re not still contagious, though?”

No, dude, it’s not cont—I shake my head. “I’m good to play.”

“What’s this shit you’re wearing?” Liam jumps into our conversation. He’s the only one to comment on the elephant in the room, which is this bulky cooling vest I’m wearing beneath the bright orange mesh pinny.

I ignore him. The referee waves us over to get the show on the road. Darius hustles over to the goal while Gavin, Karl, and I line up at the center of the field.

When the game starts, it takes some adjustment to play with the vest on. Despite how tightly I secured it, the ice packs bounce up and down along my chest and back. Liam usually plays defense, but he is now up on left attacking so he can face off against me. When heknocks into me, I’m worried the packs will crack and break. But they don’t, and I’m able to stay in the game with more energy than I would if I were overheating.

I’m still very relieved when we get a halfway break.

This field is much smaller than the one I’d play varsity matches on. I’m not running as fast or far as I otherwise would. When playing for school, especially in the outdoor heat, I might need to sub out more frequently and get significantly less play time. But today, I’m realizing that Iwillbe able to play this spring. After that, who knows? But if my body can stay the way it is right now for a little while, I’ll be able to finish out my high school soccer career.

Knock on wood.

Darius and I hang with Gavin and Karl after the tournament for a bit. It’s a good time. Maybe I shouldn’t have isolated myself from the whole team this year as much as I did.

At home, I take a cool shower and a quick nap, desperately needing to recharge before getting ready for the party tonight. Ellie texted me the official invite while I was playing earlier. Someone in her house designed a little square graphic with fireworks and their address, so they must be throwing an elaborate party. In large font, it readsDress up or else.

I haven’t put much effort into my appearance lately, since that takes spare energy I don’t have. The fanciest I’ve dressed these days is wearing the itchy holiday sweaters Mom got me. But I want to look nice tonight.

My resolution for next year is to take life as it comes at me, no matter what that entails. To go beyond my comfort zone.