Page 87 of Shapes of Love
“I doubt it,” I say. I mean, my plan sort of hinges on me gettingoneGrammy. Best New Artist, since Shirley thinks it’s likely I’ll win in that category. If I don’t, it’s not important. I move to Plan B. I already have a video in my drafts, ready to be posted.
The other Grammy categories—Song of the Year, Record of the Year, Best Pop Vocal Album, and Album of the Year—are almost a sure miss since this is my first year.
“Sasha?” Mia prods. She shoots me a look, as if she knowsI’m planning something. I haven’t told her about my plan, though, at least not fully.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say, giving her a grin.
It’s not like I’m about to destroy my career in front of everyone.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, a text from Kai.
KAI
good luck tonight.
My heart lurches. We haven’t talked yet, because I still can’t face him, and I was worried he’d figure out I was up to something. If I had, he and Asher would have stopped me. I actually had a dream the other night that Kai tackled me offstage mid-speech.
Thanks. I miss you. I wish you were here with me, I almost reply.
My phone vibrates again. It’s a picture from Asher of him holding Muse, who’s wearing a crocheted party hat and looking displeased. The text reads:Muse is ready to go to war if you don’t win.
A smile pulls at my lips and, soon enough, my hands are no longer shaking. Even if they’re not here, they have my back. It’s strange, but I feel the same way about my fans. They’re out there, rooting for me, even if I can’t see them. I hope they’ll stay after tonight.
I navigate to my social media and watch a few of their reactions.
MOTHER IS HERE.
she deserves to win best new artist.
it’s 4am my time but I WON’T SLEEP UNTIL I SEE HER WIN.
There are pictures of groups of friends gathered for a viewing party, and it warms my heart how they’re able to find community through each other. I think of María and Zoya, of everyone I’ve met and talked to, everyone who my music has been able to help somehow.
Another row of comments catches my eye.
her dress? is she mourning her breakup? OMG, HEARTBREAK ANTHEM CONFIRMED.
i was hoping she’d bring Kai as her date. i wanted those rumors about their breakup to be a lie. they looked so good together. RIP Kassy.
A bittersweet feeling coats my tongue. Some of them might be disappointed after tonight. But it’s okay; maybe I don’t want everyone to like me.
“Sassy? It’s almost time for your performance.” A team of stage coordinators has come to drag me backstage. I exchange hugs with Mia and Shirley and head to my dressing room. Everyone expects me to wear another stunning dressfor my performance, but I throw on comfy clothes instead, the ones I used to wear in my videos before I got famous.
I want my fans to see Sasha during my performance. I always write like this at home, and that’s how I want people to feel. Like it’s just me and them.
Saying hello. And saying goodbye.
A grand piano sits in the middle of the stage, keys shimmering under the overhead lights. As I step behind it, my heart races with a mixture of adrenaline and nerves.
This is it. This is how Sassy dies.
A sea of faces stares back at me, their eyes alight with anticipation. Somewhere in the crowd, I spot Mia giving me a thumbs up and clapping.
A memory flits through my mind. I remember playing her one of my songs for the first time, just me and her in my room, and her having the same reaction. It’s comforting to realize that no matter how things might change between us in the future, some things will remain the same.
Taking a deep breath, I lower myself onto the bench. The audience falls silent.
“Hi, everyone, this is my new song. It’s called ‘Kaleidoscope.’” The moment my fingers start to dance over the keys, everything else ceases to matter, like I was born to be here, in this moment. There’s something incredible about knowing people in every corner of the world are waiting to hear the lyrics I wrote in my room. “There’s this bitch I hate, tragic how she wears my face.”
