Page 72 of Shapes of Love
Something wet stains my cheeks. I have no idea when I started crying.
I thought I knew exactly who Mia was, but maybe I don’t know anything. Whatever rift has grown between us, maybe it can’t be mended.
It’s an illusion. Everything. Everywhere. All the time.
A sob rocks my body. It’s like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, everyone keeps reminding me there’s something wrong with me. And that I deserve to be alone.
I reach for my overnight bag and my shoes and bolt out of her place, wiping my cheeks.
“Wait, Sasha—” Mia’s voice seeps through the walls, but I’m not Jason, and she doesn’t chase after me. I don’t want her to. Part of me knows she’s right.Love always wins.
CHAPTER 16
I board the first flight out of New York, needing to put some space between me and Mia. She called me once, but I didn’t pick up, and she hasn’t tried again. By the time I land in LA at twoAM, the airport is a ghost town. Fluorescent lights hum overhead, rows of empty seats stretching out. Ironically, the only other people in front of me are a couple, lovingly rubbing each other’s backs and sneaking in kisses while they wait for their baggage.
Must be nice, I think,to exist without that existence being called into question.
My footsteps echo in silence as I ponder what to do. I don’t want to go home. My moms would freak out if I showed up unannounced, since I wasn’t supposed to be back yet, and I don’t feel like explaining what happened with Mia.
They’ve always been supportive of me being aroace, but sometimes I catch it, that look of pity in their eyes. Deep down, I know they’d be relieved if I fell for someone. Even though they’ve never said it, they’d like for me to find a lovelike theirs. And I understand why, but it makes me feel like they don’t get it. They don’t getme.
Maybe Marissa’s right. Maybe I should get my own place.
I decide to head to Kai’s house in the hopes that I can crash there. He’s the only person I want to see right now. I just want to go back to that peace I’ve felt for the past few weeks, spending the holidays with him and Asher.
The moment the cab drops me off, I rush down the roadway toward his grandpa’s house, painted in a golden glow under the streetlights. The sidewalk is lined with parked cars, leaving just enough room for me to squeeze by. I pull my jacket tighter, bracing against the chill as I dart across his backyard, the grass tickling my ankles above my sneakers.
Kai gave me a key over the holidays, but I don’t want to wake anyone up, so it’s better if I use the back door. Relief floods through me when I see faint light spilling from his basement. His grandpa keeps a detached apartment there with its own independent entrance. Kai often stays there, drawing or watching TV until late. I texted him to ask him if I could spend the night at his place, but it never went through, which tracks. The reception in his basement is crap.
I don’t think he’ll mind, though.
I ease the door open with the faintest creak. Gripping the walls, I make my way down the stairs carefully, but before I can announce my arrival, a soft whirring sound envelops the air, and Asher’s voice cuts through it.
Oh, nice. He’s here too—
“It’s romantic, right?” His laughter drifts up the stairs. “You wanted to do something romantic.”
My steps halt.Romantic?
“Thisis your definition of romantic?” A scoff betrays Kai’s presence. “Dancing in the fridge light like in some cheesy romance song?”
“Shut up and kiss me again,” Asher says.
Static fills my mind as I peer down the staircase. I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but my feet drag me forward. Kai’s got Asher’s face in his hands, pulling him close for a kiss as they sway together, the fridge behind them spilling warm light around their figures.
I freeze.Are they—
Kai and Asher are kissing. Not just that. There’s something about the way Asher smiles against Kai’s lips that tells me it’s something more.
A sharp, painful twist grips my heart, rooting me to the spot. I stand there, caught between wanting to say something and needing to flee. My first thought is that they make sense together, but as reality sinks in, so does the realization that I shouldn’t be here.
Mia was right. I’m the broken one. I can’t deny it any longer. A storm of emotions rages inside me, but I will myself to spin around and bolt up the stairs before they see me.
Meow.A ball of fur dashes out from under the couch and clings to my leg. Panic grips me as I try to shake Muse off, but his meows turn louder until they echo across the room.
I can almost feel it, the moment they realize I’m there. The air thickens, like we’re all holding our breath. When I whip around, my eyes meet Kai’s across the room.
He peels away from Asher, his face draining of color. “Sash?”
