Page 24 of Shapes of Love
He queues up the video of Toad screaming my first single, “Summer Blues.” I take another spoonful of soup as the video starts. An unexpected fit of laughter claws its way up my throat, making me choke on my food.
“Fuck you,” I say, trying to breathe through my coughs when he chuckles.
“I’ll get you some water.” Kai rises to his feet. He looks over his shoulder and smirks, mimicking Toad’s voice. “Suuuummer bluuues.”
I throw a pillow at him, but I’m short on reflexes and he’s fast at scurrying to the kitchen. The doorbell rings before I can settle back on the couch. Maybe Marissa did send someone to get me groceries. I don’t know where I’m going to store more food. The fridge is already full to the brim—
“¡Por fin!” is all I hear, spinning around in time to see my little sister slipping past me as she throws herself at the floor. “Casa. Casita. Te he extrañado tanto… I smell like plane.”
My moms appear behind her, hauling two giant suitcases toward the door. The frown lines on Mamá’s brows deepen as she tries to get Sonia’s suitcase’s loopy wheel to roll. Mom abandons her suitcase on the porch and throws her arms open for a hug.
“Mom?” I say, torn between confusion and joy. “Mamá?”
My heart drops to my stomach. They’re not supposed to be home yet. Before I can ask, they both wrap me in a hug so tight that I immediately feel ten pounds lighter. For the first time since I got back to LA, I feel at home. The way Mom’s eyes crease with fondness when she looks at me is home. The faint scent of Mamá’s perfume, a subtle blend of jasmine and sandalwood, is home.
“You were sick and home alone. You really thought we wouldn’t come home earlier?” Mom squeezes me against her. “I missed you too much.”
Mamá touches my forehead. Her manicured nails feel cold against my skin. “Your temperature doesn’t seem too bad,” she says. “¿Te tomaste algo para la fiebre?”
“Oh? You made food?” Mom spots the steaming bowls in the living room. “I missed your cooking! You hadn’t cooked in a while.”
“What are you playing?” Sonia kicks off her shoes and plops down on the couch.
Fuck. Kai—
“Hey, guys, so Kai—”
“Oh, there’ll be time to talk abouthim.” Mamá gives me the look—the one that makes me feel small enough to fit in a shoebox. “What were you thinking? Getting into a PR contract? This isn’t you, Sasha.” She switches to Spanish, and it lands as fast and painful as an arrow piercing my chest. She’s right. None of this is me. My eyes well up with tears, but I disguise them behind a sniffle.
I told them about the contract over the phone so theywouldn’t freak out when they saw the headlines. I explained that things sort of spiraled, and Marissa suggested we make the best out of a bad situation. I just didn’t have an answer when they asked mewhyI did it. Honestly, I don’t know. When I’m out there, onstage, I’m not Sasha. I’m Sassy. In a way, she protects me. So, I guess it’s my job to protect her as well, the girl people think I am.
“I know he’s a good kid,” Mom says, gentler than Mamá, as she fidgets with the bracelet around her wrist. I made it for her when I was a kid, and she still wears it, the pink beads contrasting against her rich brown skin. “But I’m a little wary about this whole thing. You should never feel pressured to come out, but I wouldn’t want you to pretend to be someone you’re not. It never ends well.”
“Yes,” Mamá backs her up. “And I don’t like that there’s money involved—”
The floorboards creak with Kai’s steps as he reappears from the kitchen with a glass of water.
“Eh… long time no see.” He scratches his head. “Liza, Esme.”
My moms freeze. Mamá’s eyes widen, and she curses in Spanish under her breath.
“Kai!” Sonia jumps from the couch and into Kai’s arms. “I’ve missed you. You stopped coming over.”
My heart shrinks. My sister’s always loved Kai and how he used to spoil her. Kai is an only child, and most of his extended family lives in Brazil, so he loved spending time with Sonia. She’s almost nine, but she was only six when Kai and I broke up. I told her he was busy with exams.I didn’t want to tell her she was never going to see him again.
“I know, and I’m sorry. It was my fault. I’ve missed you, too, Soni.” Kai smiles and spins my sister around, his voice catching a little. “You’re so tall. Look at you!”
“Your hair is long!” Sonia tries to reach for the end of Kai’s tiny ponytail. “I can’t decide if it suits you, though. Can I style it?”
“Sure, sure.” Kai puts her down, then sweeps his gaze between me and my moms and squares his shoulders. “Some other time, though. I should leave. Just came to check in on Sasha.”
Mom stands between him and the door. “That’s so thoughtful, Kai. Thank you for stopping by.”
Mom has the softest heart. She’s an empath through and through, but even I can see her reluctance, a certain distance in her voice, like she wants to protect me.
“It’s no problem.” Kai walks toward the door.
“Actually, Kai’s grandpa cooked for us,” I say, pointing at the two bowls sitting by the table. “And Kai stocked our fridge. We were about to start eating.”
