Page 18 of Shapes of Love
“It may take me a second to leave campus without being followed, but I’ll figure it out.”
Behind me, Shirley taps my shoulder, a worried but understanding look in their eyes.
“Hey, my car is parked downstairs. I can drive you if you need a ride,” they say.
Shirley’s car smells like lavender and eucalyptus, and they have cute crystals hanging from the rearview mirror, plus the seats heat up, but none of that manages to soothe me. The moment we make it to Kai’s campus, I peek out the window. A row of trees and bushes frames the entrance of his department’s building, squirrels dashing across the branches while people sit on the grass.
Students walk in and out through a sleek set of glass doors, but none of them are Kai. Where is he? His class finished fifteen minutes ago. I can’t step out and fetch him because it would only cause more of a media frenzy.
“I’m sorry to drag you into this.” I turn to Shirley. “We were supposed to be working, and I made today all about me.”
“Shit happens. I asked if you needed a ride, remember?” Shirley looks out the window with a faraway look. “I guess it comes with the job. This is what it’s like… to be this famous.” Their expression wavers. “Can I ask you something personal? Is it worth it? This level of exposure.”
The question catches me by surprise. Is the centrifuge worth it? I mean, I’m doing what I love, and I don’t have to work a nine-to-five for the rest of my life. It’s just… you can’t turn it off. Ever.
Kai texts me a moment later.on my way out.
I exhale in relief, sinking back against my seat.
“Is Kai the guy?” Shirley questions, their eyes curious. “Did you write the album about him?”
“He’s not,” I say. “There’s no boyfriend.”
Shirley’s brow pinches into a frown, but they don’t look as surprised as I thought they’d be. “Is it PR?”
“No, just—people assumed my album was about a guy I dated. But it’s not. The entire album is dedicated to fictional characters or stories I love. I get inspiration from the books and shows I enjoy.”
I only hope the anxiety I feel does not show on my face. Shirley’s the first person I’ve opened up to about this. It’s different from Mia, who knew from the start, or Marissa, who kept asking me questions until I answered. Shirley’s never pressured me, but they’re an essential part of my music. They deserve to know.
“For real?” Shirley’s mouth opens slightly in disbelief.
“You think I’m weird.” I turn away, unable to look them in the eye. I feel like I’ve just ripped out my heart and handed it to them. “If you’re mad that I didn’t tell you, I’m so—”
“No, I think that’s dope!” Shirley elbows me. “Sasha, you’re an amazing songwriter.”
The pressure in my chest eases. “Don’t you feel betrayed? We’ve been working together for a while, and I’ve only just told you.”
“So? I don’t tell you everything about me.”
“But it’s an album about love from someone who’s never been in love.”
“And?” Shirley says, then their face goes blank. “Wait, so you and Kai dated? But you… didn’t love each other?”
“I loved him, just not like that,” I admit. “I mean, I’m—”
Suddenly a cacophony of shouted questions fills the air outside. I can hardly catch a glimpse of Kai exiting the building before paparazzi surge forward and surround him.
“Oh, shit.” Shirley stiffens.
“Where’d they come from?” My heart races. They have materialized seemingly out of thin air, their camera flashes bursting like a barrage of fireworks.
This is my fault.Fame comes at a price, but I should be the one to pay it, not Kai.
“I’ll get him,” I say, but Shirley stops me before I can open the door.
“You’ll make it worse.” Their brow furrows as they look outside. It’s the first time I’ve seen them this serious, but they’re not wrong. If I get out, it will confirm the news. Why else would I be here?
It doesn’t matter if it isn’t true.
