Page 78 of I'm Gonna Get You Back
“Nothing stays a secret in Woodhurst. In case you forgot.”
She spins around. “That’snotwhat happened.”
My pulse is thundering so loud my voice shakes when I ask, “Then what did?”
Eyes wide and lip trembling, she comes to sit beside me on the bed. But still she hesitates. The makeup brush twirls fast in her fingertips, and I want to snatch it out of her hands. The longer the silence stretches, the more freaked out I get filling in the blanks myself. “I swear if you don’t start talking—”
“Okay.” She takes in a steadying breath. “I reached out to him because I’d heard he’d fallen at a race or something, and I know if I got injured my first week at school I’d be freaking out. So I texted him and made plans to hang out when I went to his campus.”
Was I the only person who didn’t know about his fall?
“Why didn’t you tell me that you were doing that?”
Delaney shakes her head. “I tried. I was calling you a lot then, but you never answered.”
I don’t meet her eyes. That’s true. Which was why Mitchell kept giving me shit for avoiding everyone.
“When we met up, Reid just wanted to get pizza, but I was on one about going out. I just wanted to have some fun. He also seemed lonely, and he has a hard time making friends, you know? I wanted to help.”
I swallowed.
“Anyway…” Tears are in her voice when she says, “I ended up drinking too much and had to sleep over. I don’t even remember how it happened, just that one second we were talking, the next we were kissing.”
Even though I was braced for impact, it’s like getting sucker punched all over again.
Before Delaney, I didn’t have girlfriends. I had Kenji to hang out with and otherwise was okay being a loner who didn’t know how to do things like makeup and adhere to girl code. I broke it with Nicole and Amaya last year without meaning to. I know I’m not a perfect friend. But even I know that hooking up in any way with your best friend’s ex-boyfriend is at the top of the list ofdon’ts.
“He stopped it before anything else happened. I’m pretty sure I initiated it because of how upset he got.”
I don’t know how to feel about that. Better? Worse? Each possibility makes the whole of my chest hurt.
“It was so shitty of me.” Her voice breaks, and the tears spill over, streaking through her stage makeup. “I’m sorry, Clara. I’msosorry.”
I need to ask her what I’m most scared to ask. I’m surprised when my voice comes out as calm and even as it does. “Do you have feelings for him?”
She looks appalled. “No, it wasn’t like that. It had nothing to do with him. Which is even worse, isn’t it?” She wipes her nose, regret plain on her face. “I was… lonely and drunk and he was familiar andthere. I’m pretty sure it was the same thing for him.”
That stops my thoughts cold. That, above anything else, I get. Because it’s exactly what I did with Josh last year. I bury my face in my hands.
“But it didn’t mean anything,” Delaney insists. “Reid was really mad about it, actually—especially knowing how hurtyouwould be. He cried, Clara.”
My throat is dry and too tight.
Delaney goes on. “He slept on the floor and talked about you the whole night. Well, except for when he called me out for not eating anything and getting so drunk. Ever since, I couldn’t get the intro of your video from the assembly out of my head.”
The endless pirouettes and the full plates of food she never ate.
“After that night, I actually started seeing a therapist for my… body stuff. School has been a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I’mnottrying to make excuses—I’ve just been struggling for a long time, you know?”
Fresh tears are pooling in her eyes, and I can’t help but feel her pain, too. Because I have known that. Instead of documenting it, I should havetalkedto her about it.
“It’s only been a few weeks, but my therapist is super smart and doesn’t let me get away with anything.” She grimaces. “Honestly, it’s really annoying.”
I want to laugh because I’ve missed Delaney and her snarky humor. But my eyes heat instead.
“But seriously, Clara, it was a wake-up call. I think we were both just trying not to feel miserable for a minute. Obviously in a super-messed-up way that ended up making me feel worse than I ever have. I get it if you never want to speak to me again.”
Silence fills the room. Her and Reid’s stories are the same. Deepdown, I know they’re being honest. Both about what happened and how they felt about it.
