Page 6 of Blind Trust
Nic had been a bit hesitant when Director Walsh recommended the group, but these gatherings, where each of them could share about the difficulties they faced on the job and in their lives and then pray for one another, had quickly become the highlight of his month.
These men had become like brothers, and none closer than Jack—who was waiting for him to respond.
“Uh, yeah. Sorry.” Nic gathered his Bible and pushed his chair back to stand. He pulled out his wallet and laid out some cash for their waitress before turning to find Jack staring at him with those ever-appraising eyes. “What?”
“You all right, brother?”
Nic’s muscles stiffened. As close as he and Jack were, it probably wasn’t wise to confess where his distracted thoughts were leading him. He headed toward the exit. “Yeah, I didn’t get a workout in this morning, so I’m feeling a bit tense.”
Outside, the mid-October chill cut through Nic’s Carhartt jacket. Anxious to get out from under the stare he could still feel on his back, he pulled his cap out of his back pocket and tugged it over his head before unlocking the door to his truck.
“You sure that tension doesn’t have anything to do with what’s been going on between you and Lyla over the last week?”
He faced Jack. “That obvious, huh?”
Jack smirked. “There’s an old Italian proverb my mama told meafter I first met Brynn—l’amore, la tosse e il fumo sono difficili da nascondere—which means love, a cough, and smoke are hard to hide.”
Heat flamed across his cheeks. “Dude, I was referring to the Castillo assignment.”
“Riiight.” Jack nodded, skepticism arching his brow. “What about it?”
Nic gripped the brim of his cap, barely meeting his friend’s eyes. His insides coiled tight beneath the weight of that question and the nightmares keeping him awake.
Jack whistled. “This must be more serious than I thought.” The playfulness Nic caught in Jack’s expression dimmed when Nic remained quiet. “How serious is this?”
Taking a breath, Nic toed his boot across the asphalt. “I’m beginning to doubt myself.”
“What do you mean?”
Nic removed his hat and ran a hand through his hair, recalling what had taken place in Dr. Castillo’s office a week ago. Replacing his hat, he looked Jack in the eyes. “This isn’t the first time I’ve jumped the gun”—he cringed at the unfortunate pun—“when it comes to Lyla. I nearly blew her cover with the Nowak assignment, and this time, well...” He ran a hand down his jaw and along the scruff to his chin. “If I’d made it into Castillo’s office before Lyla disarmed him, I’m not sure it would be him sitting in a jail cell right now.”
“It was a tense situation—”
“It’s more than that, Jack. When it comes to the mission...I don’t trust my decisions when it comes to her.” The words—the fear—slipped from his lips, and Nic wrestled with whether he wanted to take them back.Too late now. “The last couple of assignments I thought I knew the right—the safe—way, but Lyla went the opposite direction. She’s impulsive and jumps in headfirst without thinking.” His mind went to the only other person he knew who operated without fear of the consequences. He blewout a breath, the pain of a hundred memories still raw. “It gives her a dangerous confidence that no matter what she gets herself caught up in, she’ll figure a way out. But she refuses to believe that one day it might not work, and I don’t know if she’s ready to live with the fallout.”
“Or if you are.”
Nic met Jack’s intense gaze. In the four years they’d worked together, Jack had never once asked why Nic left the military, but the questions were there. Asked or not, Jack left that part of Nic’s life alone, like he was patiently building a bridge of trust and waiting for Nic to cross it.
“There are no second chances when it comes to explosives.” He recalled his brief career in the Army Explosives Ordnance Disposal branch. He hadn’t been ready for his time there to end so suddenly and shamefully, which is why he needed to have this conversation. He knew too well that one bad decision, one impulsive act, and it could all go wrong. “Lyla’s smart and intuitive, and I enjoy working with her, but...”
“She’s never taken direction well,” Jack finished with a chuckle.
“I’ve worked with people who don’t take direction well. It’s not just that, Jack.” Nic gripped the back of his neck, not sure where he wanted to go with this conversation. “I just know what it’s like to make a decision and have it change the whole course of your life. I don’t want that for her.”
Several long seconds spread between them as Nic searched Jack’s face, trying to get a read on his thoughts. His quiet disposition gave nothing away.
“Then explain that to her,” Jack finally said. “Sometimes a simple conversation is all it takes to admit you both need each other.”
Nic’s ears burned. “Pardon?”
Jack gave him an amused look of exasperation and shook his head. “All I’m saying is that I understand where you’re coming from. I know the doubt you’re contending with. I lived with it for ten years after what happened with Brynn. If you let your emotionscontrol you, you’re going to find yourself hiding in the wilderness like Elijah and missing out on the blessing of releasing control back to the Lord.”
Releasing control. Nic ground his molars, not liking the sound of that at all. Control was everything when it came to disarming bombs and protecting himself from making another mistake.
“You’re a good man, Nic, and I have no doubt the two of you can work it out. Besides, you’re going to need to get along sooner rather than later.”
“Why’s that?”
