Page 16 of Sweet Surrender
What a loaded question that Eliza was nowhere near prepared to answer.
I slept with her.
That was the obvious answer, the obvious difference. It also wasn’t the whole truth.
I already value her opinion. I want her to value mine. I can’t shake the sinking weight in my gut at extinguishing the sparkling light in her eyes even for a moment.
Eliza shook herself and huffed at her own ridiculousness. Talk of sparkles in eyes was for romance novels, not for working mothers who needed to get their shit together and keep their carefully balanced life from tumbling over.
“You’re right. It’s not something I need to concern myself with. Anyway, why did you call?”
Eliza opened her laptop as she connected the phone to her headphones.
“That’s not what I meant, though. I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing that you care, I’m simply curious about the why,” Leesaid.
You and I both.
“I’m probably getting soft in my old age,” Eliza responded dryly.
“Har, har. I’m going to prod you on this more later, but I do need to talk to you about the Richardson account.”
Eliza got lost in work for the next few hours until a rap on her door brought her back to the present.
“Come in,” Eliza said as she disconnected her headphones.
“Sorry to disturb you. The kids are about to head to start their bedtime routine, and I wasn’t sure if you still wanted to do their story or if I should. I know you said you wanted to when you were here, so I figured I’d check.”
Eliza’s gut twisted at the hesitance in Rowyn’s demeanour. Eliza had dampened her spirits today, and she had no idea why it bothered her so damn much.
“Yes, I want to do it. Can we talk after?”
Rowyn looked anywhere but at Eliza as she hopped from one foot to the other.
“I’ve got plans once the kids are in bed, since I’ll be off duty. I can give you a rundown on their day, but that’s all I have time for. If it’s related to the kids’ schedule or something, feel free to text me or we can discuss it in the morning.”
Eliza’s eyebrows rose at the robotic way Rowyn spoke, as if she had been working on what to say already.
“I just want to apologize for earlier and…”
And what?
And promise you it won’t happen again?That wasn’t a promise Eliza could make, and she didn’t make them lightly.
“It’s fine. I’ll go get them into their rooms and let them know you’re coming.”
Rowyn had turned and left before Eliza could say anything else, and the weight in her gut sank deeper.
Chapter Six
Rowyn woke feeling marginally lighter than she had the night before. She was ever thankful for her therapist, who kept unconventional hours for clients who couldn’t schedule appointments during the workday. Zoom therapy was a unique experience. Expressing your innermost fears as your therapist’s screen freezes, or having to repeat something difficult when the internet cut out, wasn’t ideal. However, it was a lifesaver as Rowyn travelled, so she could keep the same therapist and not start from scratch in each new place.
Her session had come at the right time last night. Rowyn often found it tough to trust her own feelings. It was obvious even to her that the strength of her reaction to the situation yesterday was beyond the scope of what was called for. Eliza had been an ass, which her therapist confirmed wasn’t an overreaction on her part. However, the big feelings it dragged up in Rowyn had little to do with Eliza and far more to do with the flashbacks to her childhood and her rejection sensitive dysphoria.
The heaviness that had sat in her chest all day, as she masked and smiled with the children, was one Rowyn was all too familiar with. Rowyn didn’t want to sink into the feelings of rejection it stirred in her and had used every tool in her arsenal to get through the day until therapy. She was proud of herself for setting boundaries with Eliza and putting herself first—it was a big step for her. If she had talked to Eliza last night, nothing good would’ve come from it. Her feelings were too raw, thehurt right there on the surface for anyone to witness, and most wouldn’t understand. Certainly not cool, calm, collected Eliza, who expertly hid any feelings she might have behind that icy exterior.
“Wyn?”
Rowyn glanced at her watch, worried she might be late as Eliza’s soft whisper made its way into the room. She still had ten minutes before her usual alarm would go off. Rowyn threw her legs over the side of the bed and walked to the door.
