Page 95 of If I Loved You Less
This startles me. I blink, looking at Fawad.
“It was no trouble,” he says easily. “I was picking up my own anyway, and we are neighbors.”
“Oh.” I stand stupidly for a moment, not knowing what to say. “Have you eaten anything, Papa?” I ask, voice sweet. “There’s nihari and naan.”
“No, that’s alright,” Papa says, looking at Fawad. “We were just going to get some sushi.”
My brows knit together.
“Will you join us?” Fawad asks me. I open my mouth to say yes, but Papa interjects.
“No, I am sure Humaira would like the evening to herself,” he says, voice even. “You and I will go.”
Tears fill my eyes, and I set my jaw, pushing them away. I can bear it no longer.
“Well, there is the son you have always wanted,” I say, voice hard. “I am glad for you, Papa.”
I leave before either of them can react, tears spilling onto my cheeks. I hastily wipe them away, letting out a wavering breath as I go to the kitchen for a glass of water. I drink it in slow sips, looking out the window at the rain, trying to relax, to stay calm.
It was an unfair thing for me to say, but I am feeling unstable, and cruel.
What isreallyunfair is how Papa is treating me. I was cross with him once –once!– and he has replaced me so easily! As if he has no need of me unless I am amiable and doting.
Naadia is always irritable, and Papa has never been so cold to her for such a long period of time.
At the sound of footsteps approaching, I clutch the edge of the countertop, trying to steady my features.
“What was that?” Fawad asks. I do not turn, unable to hide my trembling lip. “Uncle has never made you – or Naadia for that matter – feel he has lacked in his life from the want of a son. You know that.”
Suddenly, I am angry with him, too. I do not need him to be right, just now.
I whirl around to face him.
“Just because your father is not around does not mean you get to steal mine,” I snap.
His face shutters.
“I thank you for the reminder,” he says quietly. Without another word, he turns and leaves. For once, he does not fight, does not bicker – he just leaves.
And that hurts more.
Fawad and Papa leave soon after for food, and I am left alone in the mess I’ve made. I have been unkind and cruel and now I have hurt the people I love – Shanzay, Papa, Fawad.
They have seen the truth of me – how wretched I really am – and they have taken their leave. They love me for my perfection, and now that I have shown them my flaws, they have left me.
I am alone, soaked to my skin in grief.
ChapterTwenty-Two
When Shanzay continues to be quiet at work the next day, I decide a personal visit is in order. Aided with Thai food takeout, I go to Shanzay’s apartment in the evening to make amends.
“Oh! Humaira, hello,” Shanzay says, when she opens her door.
“Hi!” I say, smiling brightly. She lets me into her apartment, which is small and quiet. I set the food down on the table, unpacking it. “I’ve brought all your favorites,” I say, hoping to win her over.
“Thank you,” she says, “but I don’t...”
She trails off. I release a long breath, gathering my wits about me.
