Page 92 of If I Loved You Less
“Surely, Shan, you’ll think of more than just three,” I say, laughing before I realize what I've said.
I still, heart stopping entirely as the smile freezes on my face.
That came out much harsher than I intended. I laugh quickly, trying to push the comment away, but Shanzay is clearly hurt. She is no longer smiling at all.
Fawad fixes me with a scalding glance. I look away.
“Yes,” Shanzay stutters. “You’re right.”
She fiddles with the end of her scarf, her gaze trained on her hands. I cannot see her eyes, but I am sure they are filled with tears.
Oh no. I didn’t mean it, not like that! Regret lodges in my throat. She did not deserve that. Her bottom lip quivers, and there is a tremor in her hands now.
I look to the others, who are sitting in silence. They avoid my eyes, except for Fawad, who still glares. I look away from him, unable to bear the reproach in his eyes.
“Shan—” I begin, my voice light. She suddenly gets up.
“It’s so hot,” she says cheerily, forcing a smile on her face. “I think I’ll go take a walk.”
Before I can respond or say I will join her, she hurries off. Fawad follows her.
“I don’t want to play,” Jasmine says, flipping her hair. “This game is stupid.”
“Agreed,” Emad says.
“Come, let’s walk, too,” Jasmine says. “I’m tired of just sitting in one spot.”
So it is Rizwan and I, once more, for Asif and Naadia have not been paying attention to anything but themselves this entire while, the pair giggling and talking in their own little world.
“What bores,” Rizwan says, assessing the situation.
My mouth feels dry – guilt riddles through me. I stand up, trying to catch my breath.
It was just a small comment, and Shanzay will know I didn’t mean any harm. She’ll be fine, as she always is.
Rizwan stands as well, coming in front of me. I brush away my thoughts and fix him with a bright smile, putting up a perfectly fine pretense.
“Shall we walk?” he asks. I nod, and we fall into step together, walking away from the others to some rose bushes. I brush my hands over the petals, trying to calm the unease in my heart.
“I’m glad we are alone,” Rizwan says, pulling my gaze toward him. I blink, confused.
“Oh?”
He smiles. “I want to tell you that I really like you,” he says. “I have never met a more perfect girl and believe you and I are well-suited. Would you like to be with me? It can be arranged quite easily for us to court and eventually marry.”
“W-What?” I sputter, thinking for a moment I am having a stroke due to the heat and emotion. But Rizwan is being perfectly serious.
“You cannot be so surprised,” he says, looking at me indulgently. “I knew it at the wedding two months ago, and as I was driving back to tell you, that incident with Shanzay occurred, and afterwards, I lost my courage.” He takes a deep breath. “But I won’t lose it now. Humaira, you’re beautiful, good natured, kind, and sweet. I have never met a more flawless woman, and I truly have deep feelings for you.”
“I am not so perfect,” I say quietly, shaking my head. Fawad would confirm as much.
“You’re too modest,” he replies. “Another admirable quality.” Perhaps he says something more, continuing to sing my praises, but I do not hear him.
Oh, how could this happen?Again?
“I—I don’t know what to say,” I manage, laughing a little. He smiles.
“You need time, of course,” he says. “Think nothing of it. Give me your response whenever you are ready.”
