Page 26 of Breaking the Surface
They walked in silence for a few minutes.Peter was hyperaware of Braden beside him, of the warmth radiating from his body, and of how easy it would be to reach out and take his hand.He didn’t, though.Not yet.He was working up to something bigger than hand-holding, but he needed a little time.
Watching Camden and Toby together, seeing the way Remi looked at Pembroke like he hung the moon, and of course Ronan and Vincent, had made something click into place in Peter’s mind.He wanted that.He wanted it with Braden.And more importantly, he was ready to say it out loud.
Well, mostly ready.His heart was hammering in his chest, and his palms were sweating despite the cool night air.
When their house came into view, Peter felt a flutter of nervousness in his stomach.This was it.He was going to do this.He was going to tell Braden that he wanted a future with him, that he wanted to try, even though he wasn’t sure what that looked like yet.
Braden unlocked the door and held it open for Peter, who stepped inside and immediately toed off his shoes.The house smelled like the paint in the living room, but it was already fading.Home.This place was starting to feel like home, and Braden was a huge part of that.
“Do you want some tea?”Braden asked, heading toward the kitchen.“Or water?”
“Tea sounds good,” Peter said, following him.His mouth was dry, and he needed something to do with his hands while he figured out how to start this conversation.
He watched as Braden filled the electric kettle and set it on its base, his movements practiced and efficient.Peter loved watching Braden in the kitchen.There was something soothing about the way he moved, like he knew exactly what he was doing, and there was no rush to do it.He even took the time to check his phone, no doubt to make sure that no one had slipped into the house while they were out.
“I had a really good time tonight,” Peter said, leaning against the counter.
Braden smiled at him.“I could tell.It was good to see you so relaxed.”
“I was thinking—” Peter started, then stopped.His heart was racing, and he could feel heat creeping up his neck.“Tonight made me realize something.”
Braden turned to face him fully.There was no pressure in the way he looked at Peter.“Yeah?”
Peter took a deep breath.He could do this.“Watching everyone tonight, seeing how happy they all are together, it made me think about us.About what we could be.”
Something flickered in Braden’s eyes, but he didn’t interrupt.
“I know we’ve been dancing around this since I told you that you’re my mate,” Peter continued.“We’ve been living together, renovating the house, making decisions like we’re building something permanent, but we haven’t really talked about what that means.What wewantit to mean.”
The kettle began to whistle, but Braden ignored it.He was completely focused on Peter, and the way he looked at him made Peter’s breath catch.
“I want a future with you,” Peter said, the words tumbling out.“I know that probably doesn’t come as a surprise, given that we’re mates, but I needed to say it.I need you to know that this isn’t just about the bond or about Lou or about needing someone to protect me.I want you.I want us.”
Braden’s expression softened, and Peter saw him swallow hard.“Peter—”
“Wait, let me finish,” Peter interrupted, holding up a hand.The kettle clicked off, and the kitchen turned silent.“I want that future with you, but I also need you to know that I’m not sure what I’m ready for right now.I’m not sure what I can give you.”
He forced himself to meet Braden’s eyes, even though it felt like exposing a wound.“Lou took so much from me.He made me afraid of things I never thought I’d be afraid of.He made me doubt myself and my judgment.And even though I know you’re nothing like him, I’m still scared.I’m scared of moving too fast, of promising something I can’t deliver, and of disappointing you.”He was scared of being hurt again.
“And there’s still Lou,” Peter continued.“As long as that’s hanging over our heads, I don’t know how to fully move forward and give you everything you deserve.I’m constantly looking over my shoulder, waiting for him to show up, and I hate that.”
Peter’s hands were trembling.He grasped the edge of the counter and held on.“I’m sorry.I know that’s not fair to you.You probably want more than I can give right now, and I understand if this isn’t what you want.”
“Peter.”Braden’s voice was gentle but firm.He took a step closer, then another, until he was standing right in front of Peter.“Can I talk now?”
Peter nodded, not trusting his voice.
“First of all, thank you for telling me all of that.I know it wasn’t easy.”Braden reached out slowly, giving Peter plenty of time to pull away, and took his hands.His touch was warm and grounding, exactly what Peter needed.“Second, you don’t need to apologize.”
“But—”
“Let me finish,” Braden said with a small smile.“I’m willing to wait as long as you need.However long that is.Days, weeks, months, years, it doesn’t matter.I’m not going anywhere.”
Peter felt his eyes sting with tears.“You say that now, but what if it really takes years?”
“I say that now, and I’ll say it tomorrow and the day after that and every day after.Peter, do you know what I see when I look at you?I see someone incredibly strong.Someone who survived something awful and is still standing.Someone who’s brave enough to want a future even when he’s scared.That’snotnothing.That’s everything.”
A tear slipped down Peter’s cheek before he could stop it.Braden reached up with one hand and gently wiped it away with his thumb.
