Page 13 of Undone
“How close were you and Mickey?” She turns, looking at me curiously.
“What do you mean?” I ask for clarification, but I know exactly where this was going.
“Like were you guys ever intimate with one another?”
“Not in the way you’re thinking,” I hesitate, knowing it was time to come clean about my omission.
“What way am I thinking,” her voice is soft, devoid of any offense.
“We never had sex,” I start slowly.
“But something happened between you two. So, what was it,” she presses gently, squeezing my thigh.
“We… kissed one time, it led to some touching. Dion busted in the room all excited about a basketball game or something and interrupted us; we never really discussed it afterwards,” I admit.
Evie nods her understanding, “I always thought you guys were more than close. You just seemed to get one another. I thought maybe you had explored some things.”
“We were always close. He just got me, and I got him. It was deeper than just friendship. I wanted to explore,” I admit, “but you know how it was back in the day for queer men to exist–especially in athletic spaces. At the time my fear was bigger than my curiosity,” I explain.
“What about now? You’ve had the chance to explore–how does that curiosity feel now?” Evie asks.
“Have you ever felt like you missed out on someone or something but when you get it, it doesn’t feel like you thought it would?”
“Is that in a good way or bad way?” Evie tilts her head, assessing me.
“Not good, not bad, just a realization,” I shrug.
“What do you mean,” she squints.
“Losing Mickey,” I pause trying to piece together my words, “made my mind spiral thinking of all the things I hadn’t done or said. The wrongs I wasn’t able to right…and some regrets. It’slike I was romanticizing things in a way that kept me stuck and asking a whole bunch of what ifs.”
“And one of those was about what would have happened if you and Mikey hadn’t been interrupted by Dion.” Evie was always willing to say the quiet part out loud.
“And why didn’t you say anything?”
“You know why,” I sigh.
“No, I don’t,” Evie said looking genuinely confused.
“I didn’t know how you’d react,” I say quietly, waiting for her response.
“You know I love you and accept every part of you,” Evie says, considering my words and rubbing my hand, “I just wished you had trusted me enough to share that with me.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just didn’t know what to say and I was still holding on to shame,” I admit. “You signed up for a monogamous marriage with a straight man, not a bicurious man who wants to explore his sexuality.”
“Baby, I signed up for you. At no point in time has that ever changed,” Evie’s words calm my worried mind. “Did you enjoy last night?”
“I did,” I confirm, looking her in the eyes. “Did you?”
“I did.”
“How did you feel about having a man join us for the first time?” I ask her.
“Honestly, it was hot. Seeing you two kiss while eating me out made my pussy jump,” my wife confesses. “I just wasn’t sure if you were comfortable with us kissing other people, which was why I hesitated. How was it for you?”
“I’m fine with kissing, I enjoyed the kiss I shared with Nathan and the ass eating. I was nervous…and thought about letting him go further,” I admit hesitantly.
“Is anal play something you’d like to continue at home?” Evie asks, tilting her head to the side, watching me intently.
