Page 81 of Incoronate
“Is it?” asked Gabriel. “Or is it just prolonging the inevitable?”
The question hung over the table like something that wasn’t going to leave quietly, but I refused to let it suffocate me. If we put our heads together and thought this through, we could come up with something. A plan that would protect the baby and the rest of us.
“There has to be something we can do. People disappear all the time. My father used a cloaking spell to keep me hidden for years. We can do the same thing for Ares. We can—”
“Jemma,” interrupted Gabriel as he leaned forward, his moss-green eyes locked on mine with that careful, deliberate stare he saved for moments when he was about to say something he knew I wasn’t going to want to hear. “I need you to think about this rationally. You’ve had one night with him. One sleepless, chaotic night where you barely managed to keep him fed and clean.” He paused, letting that sink in. “This isn’t sustainable. You’re still in school. You’re still training to control your Nephilim abilities. You have responsibilities that don’t include round-the-clock child care.”
Tessa’s fingers tightened around her glass of juice, her knuckles going white. She still wouldn’t look at me. Wouldn’t look at the bassinet either. Her entire body had gone rigid, like she was having an allergic reaction to this entire conversation.
I blew out a tired breath. “I know it’s going to be hard, but if—”
“Hard?” cut in Gabriel. “Jemma, this isn’t just hard. It’s impossible. You can’t raise a child while fighting a war. You can’t protect him from every threat that comes through that door while simultaneously trying to keep yourself alive.” His expression gentled a fraction, the careful soldier giving way to the older brother for the briefest moment. “I’m not saying this to hurt you. I’m saying it because I care about you, and I don’t want to watch you destroy yourself trying to do something that can’t be done. Not when there are other options. Better options.”
My throat tightened. “Like what?”
Jaqueline stepped forward then. “I have contacts.”
I looked up at her, my exhausted brain dragging itself two beats behind the conversation.
“People who specialize in placing children in situations where they need to disappear,” she continued. “Where they need to be protected from those who would do them harm.” She moved closer, her expression coming as close to gentle as I had ever seen on her. “We could find him a home. A good home, far away from here. Somewhere anonymous where he could grow up normal. Away from the prophecies and the hunters and the constant danger that comes with being connected to you.”
The words hit me like a backhand to the cheek.
“He could have a real childhood,” pressed Jaqueline. “Two parents who aren’t being hunted. A stable home. A life where he is not defined by what people fear he will become.” She paused. “Isn’t that what you want for him? A chance to be more than his destiny?”
I looked down at my coffee, my chest squeezing into a painful knot.
She was right.
God, she was right.
What did I know about taking care of a baby? About raising a child? I could barely keep myself alive most days, and now I was supposed to be responsible for someone else’s entire existence? Someone who would need me every single day for the next eighteen years?
I couldn’t even get through one night without feeling like I was drowning.
“He deserves better than this,” she went on, her tone soft and almost placating in a way that made my skin prickle even as the rest of me was busy agreeing with her. “Better than running. Better than hiding. Better than living in constant fear that the people who love him will be killed because they chose to protect him.” Her eyes held mine. “You made a promise to his mother to keep him safe. This is how you keep that promise. By giving him a life that doesn’t include you. Don’t you see that?”
The logic was sound. Practical, even. The kind of decision that made sense on paper.
But my heart was still screaming that it was wrong.
“I…” I started, but my voice wouldn’t seem to hold. “I don’t know.”
Trace’s hand tightened on my thigh. “You don’t have to decide right now.”
“Actually, she does,” said Gabriel, his voice gentle but firm. “The longer he stays here, the more danger he’s in. The more danger we are all in. If you’re going to do this. If you’re going to let him go. It needs to happen soon.”
I felt tears prick at my eyes. “I just…I promised her I would keep him safe. That I’d protect him.”
I’d promised myself.
“And you are,” said Jaqueline. “By making the hardest choice a parent can make. By putting his needs above your own wants.”
My gaze dropped to the table, my mind spinning with doubt and exhaustion and the crushing weight of a decision I wasn’t ready to make.
Maybe they were right. Maybe I was being selfish keeping him here when I could barely take care of myself, let alone a helpless baby. Maybe the best way to protect him was to let him go.
I mulled it over in my mind, and for a short, fleeting moment, I almost gave in right there. Almost let myself believe that giving him up was the merciful choice. The selfless one. That I could hand him off to strangers and trust that they’d keep him safe. That the Order wouldn’t find him. That Jaqueline’s contacts were foolproof. That a cloaking spell and distance would be enough to protect him.
