Page 77 of 10 Rings I Hate About You
Chapter Thirteen
MARC
Delaney called everyone to attention, and the session began.
“Let’s start with mountain pose,” Delaney said, moving through the room with unhurried authority. She wasn’t even slightly rattled by the fact that a beagle had just claimed the center mat as his own. “Feet together, arms at your sides, weight evenly distributed. This is about grounding yourself. Being present.”
I stood, followed the movements, and forced myself to be present.
Which was becoming far more difficult as Chaos chewed on my mat.
Not playfully or because he was hungry.
My gaze flicked down to him again. Ignoring the tiny terror didn't seem to deter him in the least. He continued taking small, methodical, deliberate bites, and made sure to stare at me while he did it.
“Chaos,” I whisper-yelled, wobbling while still trying to keep my yoga pose.
He paused and lifted his head. Looked directly at me. Took one more bite. Then walked away.
I was being managed by a fucking goat.
“Now inhale and bring your arms up into Upward Salute—reach up, press your palms together, and gently arch your back,” Cheryl instructed from the front as Delaney moved through the room.
Everyone lifted their arms, and disaster struck in the form of a dog barking at absolutely nothing.
The golden retriever let out one sharp, declarative bark at something only he could see. It could’ve been a ghost or dust bunny, or maybe he was sharing a grievance he’d been holding in since this began.
And that one bark was all it took.
Gladys jolted at the sound and lurched sideways. Her foot slammed down on the beagle’s wagging tail with shocking precision. The beagle yipped—the sound like a squeaky toy being stepped on by someone with heels—and Gladys shrieked, which was at the exact same pitch and volume needed to trigger the cats from their nearby mats. The two cats, who had been surveying the room with cool detachment, suddenly decided, simultaneously, that now was the time to act as though the room was on fire.
They bolted. One went low—a streak of fur under the nearest mat with the unerring accuracy of a furry torpedo. The other went directly up. Specifically, Wyatt’s leg.
Wyatt’s response had the necessary speed, but was completely catastrophic in its execution. He grabbed the cat with both hands, and as the cat squirmed, Wyatt lost his center of gravity. Without completely letting go of the cat, he scrambled to grab ahold of the nearest stable object, which was Logan.
“Fuck,” Wyatt grunted. His momentum carried him to the ground with a thud, the cat tucked safely against his chest.
“What the hell?” Logan wobbled, his arms windmilling, until he grabbed onto Adam.
“Assholes.” Adam pitched backwards to get away from Logan and slammed into the water station. The table squealed in protest as it screeched across the floor. Poor Adam completely lost the fight with gravity; his arms swept out in a valiant effort to stabilize himself, but instead knocked into the water cooler, set too close to the edge of the table.
The water cooler tipped in what felt like slow motion, and then fully committed to the fall. The top sprang free, and a wave of cold water sheeted across the floor and under the nearest yoga mats.
Note to self: Find a safer place for the water station.
For approximately one second, everyone froze.
Goldie, closest to the table, shrieked as the water reached her, and then burst into laughter.
“We’re sliding!” Mom yelled, with more excitement than the situation perhaps required.
“It’s like surfing!” Martha added with a whoop and stuck her arms straight out like she was catching a wave.
The golden retriever, thrilled that humans were now also closer to the floor and therefore the right height for socializing, began to make his rounds.
Goldie bent down to pet him and didn’t come back up. She wobbled and fell to the floor when he enthusiastically licked her face and jumped onto her.
“Goldie,” I said carefully. “Are you okay?” The classes were already going sideways. My mind darted between lawsuits and injury reports, and I wondered if we needed to hire a paramedic for each session moving forward.
