Page 111 of Every Shattered Note
I’m still staring at the file, at the photocopy of the will peeking from the folder Malcolm leaked—the one he thought would wreck me.
But it won’t.
Not this time.
This time, I’m taking the narrative back.
ChapterForty-Five
EchoZone – Private Message Thread
March 6,2001 8:48 PM
AlyEuphoriaEvents:I saw that you’re giving a press conference tomorrow.Everything okay?
MustLoveMusic:Depends on your definition of okay.
AlyEuphoriaEvents:That bad?
MustLoveMusic:It’s time to stop letting everyone else speak for me.I’ve got lawyers, managers, PR teams—everyone scrambling to stitch together a version of the truth that won’t cause another media spiral.But none of it’s me.None of it sounds like the person I actually am.And I’m so fucking tired of letting people have a different version just because my grandfather thought it was wise.
AlyEuphoriaEvents:I think this is brave.
MustLoveMusic:Not sure about brave, but at least ...it’s the first time in a long time that I’m trying to confront the truth.
AlyEuphoriaEvents:That’s really brave, Dex.
MustLoveMusic:I don’t feel brave.I feel like I’m unraveling in front of an audience and praying the lights go out before they see too much.
AlyEuphoriaEvents:You’re trying to fix the story instead of running from it.That’s more than most people do.
MustLoveMusic:I’ve spent years being the scapegoat for other people’s sins.I was made to believe that silence was survival.
AlyEuphoriaEvents:Sometimes it is.But it’s also lonely as hell.
MustLoveMusic:Exactly.And the worst part?I started believing I deserved it.Like maybe if I stayed quiet enough, it would hurt less.Spoiler: it doesn’t.
AlyEuphoriaEvents:Do you think this will help?
MustLoveMusic:I don’t know.But if I don’t try now, I’ll carry this forever.And I’m done carrying things that were never mine to hold.
AlyEuphoriaEvents:I wish I could be there.Not in the spotlight, but ...near.Just in the room.
MustLoveMusic:You already are.You’re the reason I didn’t burn the whole thing down.You’re the one voice I hear when I want to disappear.I want to be better for myself, but also for you.You deserve better.
AlyEuphoriaEvents:Don’t say things like that.
MustLoveMusic:Why not?
AlyEuphoriaEvents:Because it makes me want to come find you, and I can’t fly to Los Angeles tonight.
MustLoveMusic:Maybe we don’t need to be smart tonight.
AlyEuphoriaEvents:Don’t tempt me.
MustLoveMusic:Then don’t tell me you want to be in the room.Don’t say things like that and expect me not to feel it.
AlyEuphoriaEvents:I feel it too.I wish things were different.
