Page 7 of In Ruins
In the month since my brother has been gone, my father only spent about two weeks searching for him, until he finally decided to stop and then he kept the funeral a week later. I’ve been so upset that he didn’t spend more time and resources to find my brother. It’s not like he doesn’t have the money to continue.
“Hey, hey. Calm down and just breathe,” she instructs, grabbing my face and making me look at her. When my eyes focus on hers, she starts to breathe in and out, in and out. I follow her directions, and after a few minutes, my erratic breathing calms down a little.
“I don’t know if I’m strong enough to survive this!” I mutter. “A lifetime with Salvatore will be nothing but torture, and Father is making me meet with him tomorrow.”
One thing everyone knows about Mafia marriages is that there is no divorce ever. The only way out of one is death. Sometimes it’s the husband committing the murder, and sometimes it’s the wife, drowning her sorrows in pills and alcohol until that eventually kills her because she can’t deal with living with monsters. The men can have mistresses and cheat as many times as they want, but the women can’t so much as look at another man. One would be very lucky to find a decent man in this world.
“You are strong, babe. Look at everything else you’ve already overcome at the hands of your father. No matter what he’s done to you, you never broke. I have no doubt you’ll be able to do the same where Salvatore is concerned. You’re going to get through this somehow. Now come on, let’s go.”
Giana calls down to security to let them know that we’re heading out to the cemetery in a few. The guards will have to tell my father where we plan to go. Hopefully, he lets me go today, because I need to get out of the house for a bit, now thatmy world has been turned upside down. When I’m finally put together, we make our way out of my room and down the stairs. Once we’re in the foyer, I notice the quietness.
“Is my father home?” I ask the guard who’s standing by the door.
“No, ma’am. He left the house a little while ago,” he responds.
“Is he allowing us to go to the cemetery?” I ask, hopefully.
“Yes,” he says.
A wave of relief hits me at being granted permission. I’m actually surprised that he’s letting us go out. I thought for sure he’d say no just to spite me for the way I screamed at him earlier.
The guard leads us out the door to the SUV that’s already out front, and we get in. The driver pulls away after we’re both buckled in. I notice only one other vehicle is following us, and I’m thankful they aren’t going overboard today.
I stare out the window, not saying a word, the whole ride to the cemetery. As we drive through the gates, my heart clenches with the now-familiar pain that engulfs me every time I think about my brother.
I still don’t know if my brother is dead or alive. We never got a ransom note or call, and we never saw a body. It’s like he just disappeared off the face of this earth. Nevertheless, Father had a grave dug and a tomb built for my brother. He claims he loves Luca, but he’s already given up. Does he even have any of his men looking for my brother? I’ll never know because I can’t ask him.
I know in my heart that he’s not dead, but I come to his empty grave because it gives me… I’m not sure what exactly it gives me. It’s hard to explain what I’m feeling when it comes to my brother. It makes me feel close to him, I guess, even if it’s empty.
Sometimes my father’s words play on a loop in my head, that maybe it was my fault my brother disappeared. Maybe he would have been more prepared if he hadn’t been so distracted with taking care of me and making sure that I was safe.
First, I killed my mother while she was giving birth to me, and then my brother was most likely distracted because he was worried about me that night instead of being focused like he usually is. I’m not sure if he was taken, killed, or if he just left of his own accord. I’m still at a loss. I don’t think Luca would willingly leave me alone at the hands of our father.But no wonder my father hates me. I’m nothing but a disappointment who brings him nothing but pain and misery.
Giana and I walk up to the huge plot that’s fenced in and away from the others. I step through the gate, but she stays a few yards away to give me space. The guards all hang back by the SUVs, looking around in case there is trouble. I mean, I don’t want another kidnapping attempt to happen and be blamed for it again, but their presence always grates on my nerves.
I walk to the giant weeping willow tree, where the empty tomb is under it, and take a seat on the grass. I brace my back against the headstone and just sit there and let the fresh air wash over me for a while.
“He’s finally found a match for me,” I say to the emptiness surrounding me. “I mean, I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but I didn’t think it’d happen this soon, you know? To Salvatore Rossi of all people. That man is vile and disgusting, and let’s not forget how ruthless and sick he is. I wish you were here. I know you wouldn’t let him marry me off to that asshole.”
I sit in silence for a while. How could my father just marry me off like a fucking lamb to the slaughter? Because that’s essentially what he’s doing.He hates you, you idiot!
Oh right, can’t forget about that.
My mind goes back to everything he said to me this morning, and I realize that I only have one day of freedom left—well, not freedom—before my life changes completely. After tomorrow, I’ll have a fiancé. I wave Giana over, and she begins to walk toward me right away and comes to sit next to me under the shade.
“I only have one night of freedom left. We have to do something fun. I want us to sneak out tonight and go to a club, a party, or something. I need to get laid! There’s no way in hell I’m giving Salvatore Rossi my virginity. Even if he ends up killing me for not being a virgin, that would be more merciful than living a miserable life with him.” I speak softly, not wanting my voice to carry so the guards could overhear us. Though they are a good distance away, you just never know.
“I like the way you think.” She grins. “But I love you and don’t want to see you get hurt. Are you absolutely sure about doing this?”
“Yes. I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.”
“Alright. I’ve got you, babe. I’m in. Fancy going to a masquerade ball?” she questions. At twenty-five she’s only a few years older than I am. So I’m sure she’s going to come up with something crazy. “I’m sure you could find someone there to take your virginity away.”
“Where?” I ask.
“Okay, so don’t freak out—” she starts and I cut her off before she can finish.
“I’m not going to like this, am I?”
