Page 103 of When You Stayed
Finally, near midnight, I was about to give up and pull on some headphones. I slid out of bed, irritated and angry. I paced the length of my bedroom and then paused in front of the door. So what if he stopped sleeping outside of my room? It didn’t matter because I wasn’t ready to forgive him.
Or was I?
Dammit.
The information Dad had told me about the letters and the lies…everything was circling my brain like thick smoke, clouding all my thoughts. So badly, I froze in front of the door ready to yank it open when the knob turned and Ford stepped inside.
My mouth dropped as I stepped back, confused at his sudden arrival. He’d never come inside before… Instead of asking why, I looked down at his arms. “You brought Gus?”
Ford made his way inside and then shut the door with his boot. “Yeah, figured he could sleep with us tonight.”
A thrill shot through me that he was back to being bossy Ford. “With us?”
“Yes, Royce. With us.” He set Gus on my bed and then slid out of his work boots. I hadn’t even registered that he might have had to go to his real job today.
“When did you get off work?”
He stretched, taking off his leather cut, then his T-shirt. “I had to make up some work after dealing with all the insurance stuff. So, I got off about an hour ago. I went up to my folks’ place, and they wanted me to stay…it was a whole thing.”
“Why didn’t you?” I asked, already moving to the bed in preparation for his strong arms to come around me.
Ford was slipping out of his jeans when he scoffed with a shake of his head. “If I’m staying anywhere, Royce, it’s with you.”
Hope had my throat swelling. I was petting Gus, not responding when I finally risked a bit of the ire I had that still weighed me down.
“Why bother, Ford?” I knew why my father lied. I understood what was on the line, but Ford loved me in a different way. One where he knew everything about me but didn’t give me the chance to truly know him. He owed me an explanation similar to what my father had shared. I wanted to scrape my nails against his soul and see if I’d made a mark there. I needed to know that I had a place somewhere inside of him that was permanent.
He stood in front of me in his dark boxers, his strong thighs highlighted by the soft glow from across the room. His face was hard, the lines telling a story that could have been ours if he’d been honest with me.
“Why bother?” he asked, his voice grating along my veins like a knife.
I nodded, still stroking Gus. Ford pressed his knee into the mattress, making it dip.
“Because I still haven’t seen you in a wedding dress, or how you’ll smile at our baby when they laugh for the first time. Because I haven’t found us the perfect home yet, and I haven’t gotten to dance in our kitchen with you while you’re barefoot, and it rains hard against the roof. We haven’t lived yet, baby.”
I tried to hold myself rigid like what he said didn’t completely undo me, but I wasn’t sure it mattered.
“I didn’t tell you the truth about my position in the club, Royce. I didn’t share?—”
Shaking my head, I grappled for the resolve I had to ensure he didn’t get off easy for what he did. I would not brush this under the rug. “No. You lied about it. You knew exactly what Rodney had threatened me with. You made me look like an idiot.”
His hand came up to my jaw, stroking. “That’s fucking impossible, Royce.”
I went to push his chest but ended up letting my fingers drift down his abs. He wasn’t a regret I was willing to live without for the rest of my life. I knew I’d forgive him, but I was still hurt.
“You lied,” I whispered.
“I also stayed, baby.” He searched my face, bringing his hands up to stroke over my shoulders and gently over my arm that was still healing. “I might not know how to tell you everything, Royce, but one thing that has never changed is that I have stayed. Even when you weren’t mine. Even when you were just a dream. When it didn’t make any sense, when it cost me a future. I stayed right the fuck here. I might not always know how to explain shit, baby, but I’d never leave you. I know you better than anyone else, and if you tried to run, I’d find you. Because you’re mine, Royce. You’re always going to be mine.”
Tears gathered along my lashes, diving down my cheeks unchecked.
“Maybe you should have left, maybe it would have been easier,” I softly whispered on a cracked cry.
He smiled, swiping away my tears with his thumb. “Nah, you were worth staying for, baby. I’d stay in every lifetime.”
My arms went around his neck as our mouths crashed against one another. His firm hands gripped the back of my head, pulling me close as our tongues warred for this future we both desperately wanted. He gently lowered me to the bed, where he worshipped my body with kisses and promises. Vows that sewed up the gash in my heart where his lie had lived.
When he sank into me and we moved together to a rhythm of only our breaths, I closed my eyes and I pictured all the things he said. Us dancing in a kitchen that we picked out. A baby in my arms as he watched us with that protective stare. Our wedding. My hips lifted, meeting his every thrust as I mentally tried to seal that image into my mind like a vow across the heart.
