Page 55 of Puck the Coach's Son
I let him hear me because he asked. Because I've been being quiet for twenty years in my father's house and I'm done. Because the sounds want out of my mouth like a thing that's been locked in a room too long.
I come.
Under a minute. On the first hand that's been on me. In his fist with his mouth against my ear. He's sayinggood, good, good, good,in a voice that's the last voice I'll ever hear about this thing. My back comes off the duvet. My mouth opens. The sound I make isn't a word.
I come a long time.
When I stop, he stills his hand on me. He doesn't let go. He just stills.
His mouth is on my temple.
“Hi,” he says quietly.
“Hi.”
“You okay?”
My breath is still in pieces.
“I don't know yet.”
“Okay.”
His arm tightens under my shoulders.
“I think I am.”
“Take your time.”
He stays still. His hand is on me. His other arm is under my shoulders. My eyes are closed. His mouth is on my temple. I'm not crying.
I'm not crying because if I start here, I won't stop. I don't have time to cry tonight.
He moves.
He gets up. He goes to the bathroom. Water runs. He comes back with a warm washcloth.
He cleans me up.
He cleans me up and doesn't make it a thing. He wipes my belly. He wipes my hand. He tosses the washcloth toward the bathroom in the general direction of the floor. He does up my jeans for me. He puts a hand on my knee.
“Stay there a second.”
“Okay.”
He goes to the nightstand. He takes the unopened pack of cigarettes. He unwraps the cellophane. He taps one out into his hand. He opens the window a crack. He lights the cigarette with a lighter that's been in the drawer longer than any cigarette has.
He smokes.
One cigarette by the window with his arm on the sill and his head a little tilted. He's shirtless. He was shirtless before I noticed. There's a tattoo on his ribs I haven't been in a position to examine until now. A single line of script. I can't read it from the bed.
He looks over at me.
“Water?” he says.
“Please.”
He goes to the little fridge. He brings me a bottle of water. He unscrews the cap. He hands it to me. I drink it sitting up.
