Page 39 of Haze
“My bad.” He grinned.
“I was kind of wondering how we were supposed to talk while on a motorcycle. This makes it convenient.”
“Yeah, me and the club members use the built-in system to communicate while we’re riding.”
“Oh.” Silence hung between them before he heard her small voice say, “Haze?”
His heart ached. She sounded so fragile.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.” She whispered the words so quietly he almost missed them as he swerved into another lane to go around a slow car.
“I know,” he muttered. “I ain’t gonna hold you. I’m hurt by what you did, but I can’t really stay mad. I mean, I got a beautiful daughter and a beautiful baby mama.” They laughed. “I wish I had been there to see her birth. I wish I had been there for her first words and first steps. Hazel has changed me, ma. I wish that change could have come a few years back. I would have been a good father.”
“I know that now,” she whispered. He heard the emotion in her voice and knew she regretted what she did. If she was any other woman, he would hold this over her head until the end of time. But because she washer, he had no desire to do that. Hewanted to put this all behind him and go back to his original plan—see what was up withthem.
“You know, Hazel isn’t the only one I wish I could have been there for,” he said.
She stayed silent for a beat before she asked, “What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean, ma. I been on you since the moment I laid eyes on you. This doesn’t change anything.”
He heard her audible intake of breath. “Really?”
He laughed. “Duh. You really thought this meant I ain’t want yo’ thick ass no more?”
“Honestly? Yeah, and it’s been torture because now that my ugly secret is out in the open, I’ve felt closer to you. It’s like, the fact that you not only know about Hazel but take good care of her has made me want you more, but I didn’t think you wanted me anymore. I know that sounds selfish, if it even makes sense, but it’s been really hard for me keeping all this bottled up inside.”
“Why you holdin’ it in?” he asked. He figured she struggled with adjusting to him being around, but he had no idea she struggled on a deeper level. That made him feel like shit.
He felt her shrug behind him. “I guess you’re the only person I really wanted to talk to about it, but I felt selfish even thinking about making this about me, so I held it in. I showed up every day with a smile so you and Hazel could have your moments. You both deserved that.”
Damn.
Haze understood where she came from, but he didn’t want that for her at all. He didn’t want her to suffer in silence. It was a tricky situation, and he realized they both did the best they could, given the circumstances.
“Can we make a deal?” Haze asked.
“Sure.”
“No more holding shit in, okay? I ain’t really like too much that you been feelin’ like that and ain’t speak up.”
Another beat of silence passed between them before Devyn said, “Deal.”
Haze grinned. “I want you in my life as more than a baby mama. Now that we got over that shit and you see you and Hazel are safe wit’ me, are we on the same page? Can we see what’s up wit’ us?”
“I’d like that.”
He could hear the smile in her voice. He couldn’t stop the corners of his mouth from turning up as well. Though things started out rocky between them, Haze had a feeling it was only up from here and that they were in it for the long run.
“Bet. Now, tell me ’bout yourself. We got a long ride ahead of us. Might as well spend it gettin’ to know each other.”
Her giggle in his ear made his heart soar. His goal was to hear it at least fifty more times before they made it to their destination.
“How’s mommy’s baby?” Devyn cooed into the phone as she gazed at their daughter on the screen.
It was her bedtime, and Hazel looked sleepy but happy to hear from her parents.
