Page 36 of Haze
Haze nodded. He looked out the large window to the side of him and kept nodding. A beautiful thing, it definitely was. He knew he couldn’t fuck this precious gift up.
The weeks had flown by. Devyn couldn’t believe that she and Haze had settled into a sort of routine. He wasn’t comfortable taking Hazel on his own yet, so that meant a lot of time spent together. Haze wanted every free moment with Hazel, and Devyn didn’t blame him.
Today would mark a milestone though. She rushed around her house with a bundle of nerves dancing in her belly as she packed her and Hazel’s bags. Not only would Devyn meet Haze’s mom, but they were also going to leave Hazel with his mom and sister for the weekend so they could go to some big race in Ellwood. It surprised Devyn when Haze invited her, since they had yet to speak much about their situation. They’d pushed all the negative to the side and focused on Haze building arelationship with Hazel, but he was ready to talk. He told her the ride to Ellwood would give them time to talk, just the two of them.
The doorbell rang, and Devyn froze. She took several deep breaths to try to calm her racing heart as Hazel clapped from her playpen in the middle of the living room floor.
“Daddy!” she cheered.
Every time the doorbell rang these days, Hazel assumed it was her father. Nine times out of ten, she was right, though. Haze had become a constant, not just in Hazel’s life, but in Devyn’s too for the past few weeks.
Devyn picked Hazel up and walked toward the door. When she opened it, her heart galloped in her chest. Over the past few weeks, Haze’s effect on her had multiplied. It was like he was a damn magnet, and she was drawn to him. Every day, she had to fight to keep herself in check, and every night, she shed a few tears for fucking things up so badly.
“There’s my baby,” Haze said with a wide smile.
For a moment, Devyn imagined he’d said the words to her, and she almost melted right there on the spot. Then Hazel squirmed in her arms, and she realized this moment had nothing to do with her.
Haze took their daughter from her arms and cuddled her to his chest. Devyn’s cheeks burned, and she turned and walked back into the house with Haze trailing behind her while loving on Hazel.
“I’m ready. I just need help carrying all this stuff to the car,” she muttered as she grabbed the diaper bag and a duffel bag. Her suitcase and several of Hazel’s larger items, like her Pack ‘N Play, were folded up and ready to go.
Haze looked at all the stuff and shook his head. “I need to buy her shit to keep over there. We can’t be doing this every time she has to go to my mom’s.”
Devyn nodded and murmured, “That’s probably smart.”
“You good?” Haze eyed her while Hazel patted him on the head. It was more like she slapped him on the head repeatedly, but Haze didn’t seem fazed by it.
“Hazel, quit hitting your daddy,” Devyn scolded.
Hazel stopped and looked at Devyn with large, watery eyes. Devyn shook her head, knowing Hazel was about to throw a tantrum.
“Uh-uh, don’t do that, baby. Don’t cry.” Haze cooed as he bounced Hazel up and down like she was six months old instead of two years.
Devyn appreciated that Haze never went against her when she scolded Hazel. He might coddle her, but he had yet to confuse Hazel and go against Devyn when she doled out discipline.
Devyn walked toward the door in haste, so she didn’t have to answer Haze’s question. The truth was she wasn’t okay, but then again, she was. In his presence, she always felt okay. She even felt safe, which then made her feel guilty as hell, and so the cycle of down talking herself and depression kicked in. It was tiring, but she’d been managing it by herself over the past few weeks.
Of course, she finally told her parents, Koren, and Emilia about Hazel meeting her father. She answered all their questions, but she didn’t really talk about it beyond that, because she and Haze had yet to talk. There were no answers she could give to her people because she didn’t have them herself.
After the first trip to Haze’s car that he bought from her dealership, he stopped her from going back inside once Hazel was in her car seat.
“Give me your keys. I’ll grab the rest of the stuff. Go ’head and get in the car.”
Devyn didn’t put up a fight. She’d learned pretty quickly that what Haze said was what would happen—period.
She handed her keys over and got into the car. It only took him two more trips. She watched as his muscles flexed while he carried the last load to the car. Devyn had the biggest crush on her baby daddy, and she was finally in a place where she could admit that to herself. She just wished she knew where they stood so she could know whether she should be happy about this crush or sad about it.
Haze finally got into the car before they pulled out of her driveway.
“You ain’t ever answer my question. You good?”
Nerves bounced around Devyn’s body. She hated that he wouldn’t let that question slide. With a sigh, she decided to give him an honest answer. “I’m nervous.”
“Talk to me.”
Talking to him was hard. So many emotions got in the way. She felt unworthy to speak to him about her issues when she’d caused such a catastrophic issue in his life. But he asked, so she would try. She started with the easiest thing.
“I’m nervous about leaving Hazel with your mom and sister. Not that I don’t trust them. She’s just never met them. I’ve never done anything like this before.” Tears welled up in Devyn’s eyes, and she swiped at them angrily. She’d been strong thus far. She didn’t want to start that crying shit in front of Haze now.
