Page 33 of Haze
“Brown,” she replied with excitement dancing in her eyes.
“Brown?” Haze asked.
Devyn laughed. “Chocolate.”
“You heard the lady. Brown ice cream,” Haze told the worker behind the counter.
“We only have Dippin’ Dots. Is that okay?” the employee asked.
Haze looked at Devyn for help. Devyn smiled and nodded. “Chocolate Dippin’ Dots is fine.”
The worker rang them up and then handed them the frozen treat. Hazel immediately tried opening the small cup, and Devyn grabbed it before she could make a mess.
“Hold on, sweetie. Let’s sit down first.” Devyn spotted an empty table and walked toward it, but Haze stopped her.
“I got us our own section.”
Devyn chuckled. “This isn’t a club, you know?”
He waved her off and walked her toward a long empty table in the corner. “I know that, but I ain’t the type to go somewhere and not have somewhere to sit and kick it. We ain’t gotta worry about someone snagging our shit if we get up to play wit’ lil mama or nothin’.”
“That was thoughtful,” Devyn said as they sat down. She quickly opened the Dippin’ Dots before Hazel threw a fit. When she handed the cup and spoon over to Hazel, who sat on Haze’s lap, her daughter tore into the sweet treat.
Haze snickered as he watched Hazel before he responded to Devyn. “You lucky I ain’t rent this whole shit out.”
“That really wouldn’t even be necessary,” Devyn said with humor in her tone.
“That’s what my mama said.” Haze grumbled.
Devyn’s heart dropped. She hadn’t even thought about his family and how they might feel about Hazel. There was so much to talk about and so many feelings to sort through. She felt overwhelmed.
Instead of getting stuck in those thoughts, she blurted out the first thing that came to her mind. “How are you?”
She wished she could suck those words back into her mouth. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to know, but she didn’t think she was worthy of that insight. How dare she create this situation and then ask him how he was handling it?
Haze took a moment to respond. Finally, he said, “It still don’t feel real. I never wanted kids, you know? I never felt responsible enough for one or never met a woman I thought was worthy enough to have my babies. You changed everything. If you were any other woman, I would be livid right now. I’m mad that you kept Hazel from me, but I’m not mad Hazel’s here, if that makes sense. I feel confused as fuck, if I’m bein’ honest.”
“Fuck,” Hazel said before she scooped another bite of her dessert into her mouth. She had abandoned the spoon by now and used her hands. A mess had formed, both on the table and down the front of Hazel’s shirt, but Devyn let her rock. They were there so Hazel could have fun and be free. Devyn wouldn’t ruin that by fussing.
She would, however, correct her daughter this time and also correct Haze.
“Honey, no. That’s a bad word. You can’t say that,” Devyn scolded.
Hazel looked at her mother in confusion for all of one second before she went back to her Dippin’ Dots. Devyn looked at Haze. “We have to work on how you speak around her. She’s literally a sponge right now and will repeat anything you say.”
“My bad,” Haze said, and he seemed sincere.
Devyn hung her head. “It’s okay. You didn’t know.”
And it’s my fault.
She didn’t let those words tumble out of her mouth, though. Haze’s only request was that they have a good day with Hazel. Bringing too many feelings into the situation would do the complete opposite, so she held her guilty thoughts at bay and did her best to stay tuned into the moment.
She watched as Haze interacted with Hazel. Already, their bond seemed solidified. That fascinated Devyn. It was like Hazel knew exactly who Haze was, and Haze somehow knew exactly how gentle to be with her, how to hold her securely, and how to be watchful of their surroundings. He’d picked up on so many traits a good father should have in the blink of an eye, which only made Devyn feel worse.
She wondered when the guilt would ease up, but she shoved that thought away and prepared herself for a mentally draining but extremely important afternoon.
Nothing could have prepared Haze for this moment. It wasn’t holding Hazel for the first time or facing Devyn again after she turned his damn world upside down, though he had been nervous as hell for both of those things. But that wasn’t shit compared to his current predicament.
