Page 31 of Surgeon's Surprise Baby
“I’ll help you clean up first.”He thought about it then asked, “What kind of dessert?”
“Nothing fancy.I bought ice cream.”
“I like ice cream.”
She smiled.“I know.”
He helped with the dishes, washing what didn’t go in the dishwasher while she dried, another task that reminded him of when they were together.“Do you ever think about when we were together?”
“I try not to.Why?”
That was discouraging.“I think about it.”He let the water out of the sink and dried his hands on a dish towel.“I wonder why I left.I wish I hadn’t.”
“But you did.”
Yes, he had.Coward that he was.Someday, if he wanted to have more with her, to have it all, he’d have to explain why he left.Because saying “something happened” wasn’t explaining.And saying he left for fear of falling in love with her without explaining the why of it wasn’t enough.
But he didn’t have to do it now.They were getting along.Aria was softening, sending signals that she wanted more.If he tried to explain everything now he risked blowing up the progress they’d made.
No, it was better to wait.
*
Could she dothis?Hell, she should have decided before she invited him to dinner.Face it,she told herself,you did decide.You’re just procrastinating now.Putting it off because you’re afraid.
Ryan raised his hand and cupped her cheek.“I missed you.So much.Every time I told myself I’d get over it, get over you, I knew I was lying.”
She’d missed him too.But she wouldn’t—couldn’t—admit it.Sex she could deal with.Anything deeper was a no-go.She needed to protect herself and Sophie.Because even though she still loved Ryan, maybe always would, she couldn’t give him the ability to hurt her again.
“Ryan, you know I’m attracted to you.But that’s all it is.Attraction, lust, not to mention I’ve been celibate since you left Denver.”
His hand dropped.“What are you saying, Aria?”
“I’m saying if something happens between us we need to be clear.We’re not together anymore.We won’t be together.All this is between us”—she motioned between them—“is lust.Scratching an itch.”
“What if we want more?”
“I don’t.”
“I do.”
“Maybe you just think you do.Because you care about the baby so you think you need to care about me too.”
“I do care about you.I always have.I spent the last several months wishing I hadn’t left you.”
“But still, you did.If I hadn’t brought Sophie here, I’d never have seen you again.”
“You’re wrong.I wanted to see you.I was slow realizing how badly I missed you and how much I wanted to be with you.”
“Ryan, I care about you.You gave me a child, a child I love more than anything in this world.I’d never have been with you if I hadn’t cared about you.
“There are different ways of caring, though.You’re the father of my child.That means you’ll always hold a place in my heart.As Sophie’s father, but not as anything more.”
“When I left Denver, I wasn’t sure you even cared that I had left,” he said.“You didn’t act like it.You never said anything to indicate you were even upset.”
“Because we had a temporary exclusive relationship.We never lived together.We never even discussed having more than a casual relationship.How could I complain when I’d gone into it with my eyes wide open?”
“If your eyes were so wide open, then why are you holding a grudge?”
