Page 36 of Texas Made
“Obviously you didn’t.”
“No. How could I? I’d only managed to get the loan because my father knew the lender. It was a small bank but the owner was willing to take a chance on me. I had to get my dad to co-sign on the loan. No one would loan it to me on my own, so much as I wanted to be completely independent, I wanted to start the company more. And my dad understood. Once I got going well, I renegotiated the loan completely on my own.” She took another sip of wine and continued.
“So there was no way I could move, even if I’d wanted to. And honestly, I didn’t. Keith didn’t understand. He couldn’t believe I wouldn’t just up and forget this silly idea. That I’d take out a loan for something so frivolous. That’s what he called my dream. Frivolous,” she repeated in disgust. It still made her angry. And mad at herself for letting Keith make her question herself. But then he had been subtly making her question her abilities for quite some time. She’d just been too blind to realize that.
“What happened?”
“We had a huge fight. I stayed in Dallas and he moved to Houston. We made up. Mostly. We tried long distance but it was a disaster.”
“In what way?”
“He would never come to me. If I wanted to see him, and I did, I had to drive to Houston. Starting a company and being on the road on weekends was a stupid idea. It was brutal. He was no help. I think he had his eye on a woman in his office. He wound up marrying her three months after we broke up. But that wasn’t the final straw. I didn’t believe he was cheating on me. But if we’d gone on much longer, I’m sure he would have. Or he’d have broken up with me. As it was I broke up with him.
“I was burning the candle at both ends. Finally, I was driving home late one Sunday night and almost fell asleep at the wheel. I narrowly avoided having a wreck. The other car’s horn alerted me just in time. It scared the hell out of me. I knew I couldn’t continue in that way. I stopped at the closest town and got a motel room. Got up early to get back to Dallas.” She shrugged. “So I broke up with him. He was relieved. I was too, in a way. But I still loved him, so it wasn’t easy. I don’t know. Maybe I just convinced myself I still loved him. At the time it hurt, though.”
“And this is why you don’t want to have a long-distance relationship.”
“Do you blame me?”
He didn’t answer right away. “No, of course I don’t blame you. But why do you think the same will happen with us? I wouldn’t expect you to always be the one to come to me.”
“You say that now. But you can’t know.”
“We won’t know unless we try it. But it sounds like you’re not even willing to try.”
She put her hand over her eyes. “I don’t know, Marshall. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen.”
“What? Have a long-distance relationship?”
I didn’t want to fall in love with you, damn it.She almost said it but caught herself just in time. Besides, she wasn’t really in love with him. She cared for him, of course. But love was something else. Something she’d promised herself she wouldn’t do again until she was sure that she’d fallen for the right guy. And Marshall, for a number of reasons, not the least of which was where they each lived, was not that guy.
So instead she said, “Yes. I’ve seen what happens.”
“You’ve seen what can happen. Not necessarily what has to happen.”
When she didn’t respond he continued. “What did you expect would happen with us, Jaclyn? Did you think we’d just say goodbye and get over it? Nice knowing ya, it was fun while it lasted. Is that it?”
“I—I didn’t think that far ahead.”
“Why? You always think ahead.”
“Because I didn’t want to think about leaving you,” she burst out.
He stared at her a moment before grinning and putting his arms around her. “That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”
Half-heartedly, she pushed at his chest. “No, it’s terrible.”
Marshall laughed and kissed her. “We have to try, Jaclyn.”
Didn’t they owe it to each other to see if they could make it together? “You’re very persuasive.”
He gave her a wicked smile. “I can be even more persuasive.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
He stood and scooped her up into his arms.
“What are you doing?”
