Page 17 of Angel
I sink back against the couch cushions and close my eyes. For the first time since the hospital, I let myself sit in it without reaching for a solution. Without opening an app, no counting days. Just grief. Raw and ugly and honest. It doesn’t kill me, it just hurts.
And somewhere in the middle of that hurt, I realize something I’ve been avoiding. I’ve been trying to outrun the pain by sprinting toward a future I can’t control. But maybe the only way through it… Is straight through. And that might be the scariest thing I’ve faced yet.
Chapter Six
Angel
Idon’t sleep. I lie in our bed and stare at the ceiling until the dark starts to feel heavy, like it might cave in if I blink too long. The fan hums above me. The house creaks in places it never did before. Every little sound feels louder when there’s no one beside you.
Her side’s cold.Empty.The pillow still smells like her shampoo and hospital soap, and it damn near takes me out every time I breathe in. I roll onto my side at some point, arm reaching automatically. There’s nothing there.Just space.
I replay everything. Every word I shouldn’t have said. Every moment, I stayed quiet when I should’ve spoken up. Every time I told myself she was strong enough to handle it, because that was easier than admitting I didn’t know how to help her.
That’s the thing no one tells you about loving someone through grief. You don’t just watch them hurt. You watch yourself fail them in a hundred tiny ways. By dawn, I’ve had enough of sitting still.
I shower fast, with cold water at first just to wake my ass up, then hot because my shoulders are tight as steel cables. I stare at myself in the mirror afterward. Dark circles under my eyes. Jaw clenched so hard it aches. I’ve stared down men who wanted you dead, buried brothers, and led rides into chaos without blinking. And this is the fight that’s got you shaking.
I pull on clean jeans, boots, and a hoodie. Leave the vest hanging by the door. This ain’t club business. This is mine. I grab my keys and head out before my head can talk me out of it.
The road’s quiet this early. Pale Texas sun just starting to bleed across the sky, pink and gold stretching wide over Pine Ridge. Fields still misty. Air cool against my face. Normally, this ride would calm me. Center me and clear my head.
Today, it just gives my thoughts room to run wild. What if she doesn’t want to see me? Did I push too hard, or didn't I push enough? What if she’s already halfway out the door in her mind? Carrie’s words echo in my skull.
Lovin’ her means sittin’ in the mess.
So that’s what I’m gonna do. No speeches, ultimatums, or fix-it bullshit.Just me.
Her sister’s place looks the same as it always has. Small. Neat. Flowers planted along the front like someone’s trying to make the world behave. I cut the engine and sit there for a second, hands resting on the tank, breathing through the knot in my chest. I don’t bring flowers or apologies rehearsed in my head. I bring myself.
I knock once. The door opens almost immediately. Her sister studies me, eyes taking in the tension in my shoulders and the exhaustion I ain’t hiding well.
“She’s in the kitchen,” she says quietly. “She didn’t sleep much.”
“Neither did I.”
She holds my gaze for a long second.
“Be gentle,” she says.
That one stings. Like I wouldn’t be, and I haven’t been trying. But I nod anyway.
“Always.”
She steps aside. Stevie’s standing at the counter, back to me. She is wearing leggings and an old sweater that used to be mine, sleeves pulled over her hands. Hair twisted up in a messy knot. Her shoulders are hunched like she’s trying to fold herself smaller. She doesn’t turn when she hears me.
“I’m not here to fight,” I say softly.
Silence.The kitchen smells like coffee and toast and something steady.
“I’m not here to fix anything either.”
That gets her. She turns slowly. Her eyes are red-rimmed. Skin pale. Exhaustion was etched into every line of her face. She looks wrung out. Like she cried until there was nothing left and then found more.
“Then why are you here?” she asks.
I swallow. “Because you shouldn’t be alone in this.”
She crosses her arms.Defensive,but tired.
