Page 47 of Hope Forged
He caught her shoulder. “Ziamee,” he said. “Why do you want to go planetside?”
She cast a glance at Ulta, not wanting him to eavesdrop.
“Let me show you something.” Illan swiveled on a heel, and in the passage opposite the door to the head, he activated a panel. It swished aside, revealing a ladder going up. “We will have privacy here.” He climbed, then peered through the hatch at her. “Are you coming?”
She followed but only far enough to poke her head into the space. A room opened to a wall of space. A molded bench ran along one bulkhead to best enjoy the view.
She gasped, clambering up and out to gaze at the stars with Vora to the bottom left.
He sealed the hatch and joined her.
The view was spectacular, the silence almost deafening. She drew in a slow inhale, then released it bit by bit. Yes, this…was what she needed: time with her thoughts.
He came up behind her, his bare feet making no sound on the smooth floor. When he cupped her, his warm touch made her skin prickle. What dawned on her was that she wasn’t alone but with Illan’s steady presence. His quiet strength cracked her shell.
“Padya…” Her throat closed on unshed tears. “He’s been lying to me for twelve years. He knows Mudya’s alive, Illan. He let me cry myself to sleep for weeks.” She flicked a tear aside like it was a pesky insect. “He said he lied to me toprotectme.”
Illan stiffened. “To undermine your capabilities was not my intention. To arm you to best fight your battles is.”
“It tracks, doesn’t it?” She faced him and stilled. He was far too close. But with him gripping her arms, she couldn’t pull away.
“Only when we must. It also means you can call for aid.” He stroked a braid off her temple, then trailed it past her ear.“Your choice. I would like to insert an actual tracker in Seba, to monitor his meanderings.”
The urge to nuzzle his palm as he caressed her cheek was so compelling that she struggled to hold onto her thoughts. “Will it be painful for him?”
“No,” Illan growled. “I have never hurt you or anything dear to you. Nor will I ever.”
His conviction resonated like someone promising to remain by her side for an eternity.
“All right,” she whispered.
His sweet smile was heart-stopping. Her capitulation mattered to him. He did care. It meant enduring whatever medical procedure, learning a new device, and getting Seba to lie still, for what? Illan’s smile?
She was insane to give in. To hand over control of her life.
Her breath hitched. Her heart thundered in her ears. A strange fuzziness circled her vision.
Panic set in.
“Ziamee.” Illan’s voice came from afar. “Breathe.”
She sucked air in.
“I have you, ohara. Stay with me.”
She blinked, his blurriness clearing. “I’m sorry. Too many changes… Too fast.”
He cupped her face, forcing her to meet his gaze. “All things come with change. Your mother is alive when you thought her lost to you forever. Your father has been rescued against all odds when he should have died down there. You have been healed, fed, clothed, and armed. No one is asking you to hunt, to start a fire, to clean a ceaza. You have been surviving for so long that it is second nature.” He feathered the pad of his thumb over her bottom lip, summoning a frisson of heat. “You are allowed to want a quiet moment to reflect on the past events and revelations. Iwantyou to have whatever you desire.” He dustedhis lips across hers, so fleetingly, she was sure she’d imagined it. “But I also need you to be safe.”
“You worry.” She slumped, resting her temple on his collarbone. “Yes, I’ll get an O.D.I. if it means you’re at peace.” She jerked back. “But I can go home…with Seba?”
“Yes. Alone.” He drew her into his arms, splaying his fingers across her back. “For how long?”
“A morning? At most, a day.”
“Very well.”
A part of her screamed that she didn’t need his permission. The rest of her reeled at how incredible it was to be…valued. Padya loved her. She had to assume he was forced to by nature, so his affections didn’t truly count.
