Page 15 of Wrecking Us
“You good?” I ask.
He nods, licking his lips. “Mhmm. Just—”
“Tired,” I whisper in defeat. “Yeah, I know. Good night, Huds,” I add, as I back into the room, slowly.
Hudson stands in the doorway, watching me with sad eyes. I swear he wants to say something but won’t.
“Night,” he says, and with that, the door closes.
I pull my shirt over my head as I make my way down the penthouse hallway. Most of the time when I travel, the company pays for my stay, and because I have an image to sell, I get the good rooms. Even though this isn’t a work trip, I still used the company card for the points, and luckily I had enough to book the penthouse without having to pay for it. Normally, I’d be happy to get a weekend in the plush digs, but right now it feels really empty.
And lonely.
I undress along the way, not giving a shit where my clothes end up. What’s the point? It’s not like I have anyone to impress.
When I make it to my bed, I’m down to my underwear. I check the group text, but there’s no new messages, except for Alex’s directions to whatever place we’re having lunch at tomorrow that’s nearby Austen’s place.
I tap out a “see you there” text before shutting my phone off, closing my eyes, and letting slumber drag me under without hesitation.
Chapter Six
Hudson
Guilt eats at me all morning as I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. I hate that I had to decline breakfast with Trey, but after yesterday, I didn’t think I could handle another social thing so soon. I feel the irritability crawling around on my skin like bugs, and I don’t want to snap at Trey or make him think differently of me because of it.
This used to be so easy. It’s a miracle I was able to handle it so well before, but I guess that’s just what I was used to.
My life has been nothing but calm and quiet for the last four years, since college ended and work started. I didn’t have to get my Masters, but I had the opportunity to do so because of my grades and family’s financials, plus it looks better on anapplication, so I sucked it up and did another two years. Those two years were more low-key, since the guys weren’t there with me. They’d all graduated at that point.
I made another group of friends, my roommate and the other guys in our dorm, though I can’t say we hung out often, not like I did with Austen and everyone. It was a much calmer group than what I was used to. We all took school seriously, were a bit older, and were just ready to be done with school. It’s easier to focus on your academics when you aren’t hungover every day or have your friends begging you to go to party after party.
Once I was done with school for good, my life changed drastically and it was a much easier change than I thought it would be. A lot of people stress about leaving school and being let out into the real world. For me, that’s where I thrived. Being in charge of my life, making my own schedule, doing what I wanted… it was easy.
I’ve learned that I have to listen to myself and only do what I can handle.
Which is why I had to tell Trey I couldn’t do breakfast. It’s too much, too soon. I need a break from yesterday so I can prepare for today. An opening could be low-key, calm and peaceful, but knowing these guys? It won’t be. There will be lots of people and noise and excitement—as there should be. It’s a celebration. Austen worked really hard for this and we all know that, including me. I’m not against celebrating, I just need to plan for it. I can only handle so much.
I hardly spend time with anyone these days, not even my parents. It was easier to tolerate them when they were together. Their divorce surprised the hell out of me. I never saw them fight. When they told me they were splitting up, I thought back on what could have caused it and realized I never saw them interact much at all. I guess that’s why they made the decision.They deserve to be happy. They’re good people. Though they still harass metogetherto make sure I’m okay.
I’m an adult. I’ve been living on my own for a long time, because I’m counting college. I know how to take care of myself. Even if I have some bad days, I’ve learned to deal with my surroundings and move on. I just wish they would back up a little, give me some space, and see what’s right in front of their faces.
They raised a fully capable, high-functioning autistic man who is successful and doing what he loves.
What more could a parent want?
Other than them throwing children and marriage at me, but that doesn’t happen as often, not since I told them they should look in the mirror before telling me to get married. Not the nicest thing I’ve ever said, but sometimes I can’t control my mouth.
My mother remarried. That’s how I got my stepsister, Amanda. I don’t talk to her much, except for holidays and Mom’s birthday. I have only met her a few times. She has a busy job, travels a lot, and we’re both adults. It’s not like we’re little kids who are forced to spend the weekends with each other and build a new family dynamic, as much as my mother would love it.
Amanda is nice enough. A little too loud and in-your-face for me, but she’s fine. I don’t dislike her, though I can’t imagine spending a lot of time with her.
My father is low key when he isn’t being egged on by my mother. We hang out a few times a year, outside of holidays since I spend those with my mother. He lives closer to me, and sometimes I’ll stop by his house so we can watch a Wolves game, when I’m feeling more social. He’s the closest thing I have to a friend, and I appreciate that when we’re together he doesn’t bother me with the same concerns as he does when he’s calling to check up on me ten minutes after my mother just did. I knowhe does it because of her, so I don’t give him as much grief as I do her. She’s the ringleader in the whole thing.
And maybe I make sure to get to his house just as the game is about to start so there is no time for small talk. I hate small talk. I suck at it. It’s pointless.
Useless conversation used to be easy back in college because everyone did it. Now? It feels like a waste of time, and I hate wasting my time.
The clock on the wall tells me I have an hour before I have to meet the guys, so I force myself to get out of bed and into the shower. Canceling has crossed my mind, but this lunch wasmyidea because sometimes I have a big mouth, so getting out of it is not really an option.
