Page 125 of Wrecking Us
No one would ever question why I was attracted to her. No one would give me weird looks if I kissed her in public. No one would bat an eye if I said I bought a house just to be close to her and see her every chance I got.
It would be easy, but… it would be a lie.
And for the first time in a long, long, time, it feels like I’m not just lying to everyone else, but I’m lying tomyself, too. Because I don’t want Mandy or someone like her. I want Hudson. I want to hear his soothing voice. I want to curl up beside him on the couch and smell his crisp rainwater scent and feel the warmth from his body enveloping me. I want to fall into bed next to him and wake up to his amber eyes and his sexy-as-hell grin.
And I don’t think that’s ever going to go away because now I know.
I know no one else will ever make me feel the way Hudson does, and because of my own anxieties, my own cowardice, I’ve lost the only person I’ve ever really fucking loved.
The tears pool in my eyes without warning, like they have every time I let myself think about Hudson this week. About how I fucked everything up.
“Oh, Trey…” Mandy’s voice is soft and I feel the liquid escape my eye. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to throw salt on the wound, I just thought—”
“No,” I sniffle. “Mandy, you didn’t, I just—” A choked cry escapes my throat because I know this is wrong. All of it.
I should be walking into this wedding with Hudson. I should be celebrating my friends and their love with the man I love.
But I’m not. And it’s one hundred percent, completely my fault. I’ve no one to blame but myself.
“It’s okay. Weddings make people emotional,” she says carefully.
“Yeah, but that’s not why I’m upset,” I say, shaking my head. Anxiety swells in my stomach, making me almost nauseous. I can’t do this anymore.
I just… can’t.
Mandy drops her fingers and grabs a tissue. She presses it to my skin and wipes my tears away.
“Is it because you and your girlfriend broke up?” she asks. “Is that what this is about?”
I can’t help the words that fall out of my mouth.
“No,” I say, finding her gaze. “It’s because myboyfriendand I broke up.”
Her eyes widen.
“Oh,” she says, her voice full of surprise. “I, uh… didn’t realizeshewas a…he.”
“Of course you didn’t,” I say, the disdain evident in my voice. “I never corrected you.” I bite my lip, the words on the tip of my tongue. I figure, what’s the worst that can happen if I tell the truth now? I’ve already lost everything, so what’s the point in hiding anymore? “Just like I didn’t correct Alex when he assumed you were my fiancée.”
Mandy nods, understanding falling on her.
“Soshewasn’t upset about the photos…hewas.”
I nod. “Yeah.Hudsonwas pretty upset. He hasn’t spoken to me since.”
There’s a heavy silence between us, and I brace for her judgment. But it doesn’t come.
Instead, she dabs the tissue beneath my eyes, her own glazing with sadness.
“Hudson?” she whispers. The silence is thick as she realizes what I’ve actually said. “Your boyfriend was—”
“Hudson.” Saying his name hurts, but it also feels strangely cathartic. “Yeah. But he’s not anymore.”
“Oh,” she says, dabbing my cheek. It’s a strange touch; almost motherly. “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
And then she speaks, softer than I’ve ever heard her before.
