Page 6 of Not My Friend
“You’re being paid to be here. We’re being paid to be here. Seems like our clients’ time is just as valuable.”
My eyes met Kimberly’s and for just a second, her ice queen façade dropped. She’d heard me complain about this very issue many times and knew that it was a standard question I posed to anyone asking to talk to clients on site visits.
“We don’t have funds for that,” Mary replied, looking put off.
“I’ll see if we have any gift cards from donors then since we can’t use your funds to provide them either,” I shot back.
The state denied our requests to give people gift cards with the argument that they’d use them for alcohol or cigarettes, which meant if we wanted to help a family with gas or groceries I had to send a caseworker with the family to buy everything. It was such a pain.
“If our clients are going to take time off work or spend time away from their children and take the bus down here to our office, I’d like to make it worth their time.”
My eyes bounced back to Kimberly, but she was staring at her notebook, lips rolled in like she wanted to laugh. Next to me Rochelle chuckled under her breath.
“Great, let us know if you can arrange it,” Mary said brusquely, clearly done with my nonsense. “We have a lot to cover today so let’s get started.”
A few hours later I was at my desk, squinting over the latest budget projections. My back twinged, reminding me that I hadn’t moved from my chair in several hours. With a sigh, I pushed to my feet to stretch and head to the restroom.
I was standing at the bathroom sink washing my hands when the door opened. Kimberly walked in, coming to a halt when she saw me. Since I’d seen her this morning she’d twisted her hair up into a bun and secured it with a pen. She always got impatient with her hair being down for too long, saying it scratched her neck. She looked good though, the simple wrap dress she was wearing somehow both professional and sexy as hell.
“Hi,” I said, striving to be casual. “How’s it going in there? Do you guys need anything?”
“No,” she said shortly.
Presumably, she had to pee, but she was just standing there, so I figured she was waiting for me to leave. I tossed my paper towel in the trash and turned to walk towards the door to give her some privacy. Her voice stopped me.
“What did you want to talk to me about yesterday?” she asked reluctantly. “I have to admit that I’m curious.”
I held up a finger, then walked past the three bathroom stalls, making sure I didn’t see any feet. Once I was sure we were alone, I walked back to her.
“I wanted to apologize,” I started. “I would have done it sooner, but you blocked me and I didn’t know how to reach you.”
Well, I could have gone and waited for her outside her old job but that was too stalkerish, even for me.
“What are you apologizing for exactly?” she asked suspiciously.
This was my one chance, and despite all the times I’d practiced in my head what I would say to her if I got the chance, the words came tumbling out of my mouth in a rush.
“I’m sorry for what happened when we were together. I was a shitty girlfriend and I know that. I’m sorry that I treated you the way I did, and I’m sorry that I accused you of cheating. I know now that I was wrong. I was a mess back then, which you know, full of suspicion and insecurities. I also recognize that we moved in together too soon without getting to know each other properly, and I let my insecurities and past baggage ruin our chance to have something long-term. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while that I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve any of it.”
“Do you know that the woman you accused me of cheating on you with was my cousin?”
I winced. “No, I had no idea.”
I’d figured it was a friend I hadn’t met yet, or maybe a coworker.
“Then how did you come to the conclusion I was innocent?” Her voice was sharp, like she didn’t believe what I was telling her.
“After we broke up, well after I kicked you out, I lost my job and I had a little breakdown and wound up in therapy,” I said. “One of the things we worked on was dissecting what happened with our relationship, and as I talked it out with someone neutral, I realized I’d likely misinterpreted things. Just because you were having dinner with someone, that didn’t mean you were cheating on me. I know that now and if I’d given you a chance to explain what was going on instead of freaking out, maybe things would have been different. Or maybe we just weren’t meant to be, but either way, I sincerely apologize for all that I put you through.”
I took a deep breath and forced myself to look at her. “Doubting you was the biggest mistake I ever made and I just wanted you to know that I know I was wrong. It was the biggest mistake of my life, and I lost the woman I loved because of it.”
Kimberly
Icaught my breath in surprise at her words. Gina was in love with me back then? We’d never said those words to each other, but I’d loved her deeply. It had taken months after she tore out my heart to get over her. And my scars from my relationship with Gina still ran deep. They’d affected every relationship I’d had since.
Part of me was glad she realized what a huge mistake she made, but part of me was still angry about it. Well, sad and angry. Then again, the relationship hadn’t been good. We’d had a host of unresolved issues even before she decided that I was cheating on her. If it wasn’t her seeing me having dinner with my cousin, something else would have happened to kill the relationship. I was sure of it.
Then again, that was all in the past. There was no reason to dwell on it just because we’d crossed paths again, no good would come from that. I’d moved on, and I was sure she had too.
